How failing a quest made me love Darkest Dungeon

So I'm going to tell you a story. A story about a game. A game you should buy. It's not a perfect game, nor is it the flashiest or most polished game. But it is an amazing game, and a game that perfectly encapsulates one part of gaming that I love but don't see very often.

First though, on to my story:

My ragtag party of adventurers was traveling through the ruins beneath Hamlet, a town that was once picturesque but has been overcome by a malaise of madness thanks to my relative, who squandered the family fortune seeking out the hidden power beneath the town. In doing so, he unleashed a Lovecraftian horror upon the town, which brought with it madness and despair.

Thanks, dude.

Anyways, it's my job to basically run an adventurer screening agency and send groups of four cannon fodd--errrr...heroes into the dungeons, clear out the shapeless, faceless, unknowable, unnameable horrors beneath and make the place habitable again. In this case, my group was fairly solid, but not yet very experienced. We had Reynauld, the kleptomaniac crusader ("I'll just be taking this... ...for Jesus."), Dismas, the hard-headed and surprisingly heroic highwayman, Omand the apprentice plague doctor and the faithless vestal Mustel, who wielded the power of the Gods even without true belief.

The group was doing pretty well up to that point. They traveled through the depths, cleaning out the catacombs of the undead like some crazy cross between the Ghostbusters and a zombie plumbing service, as they were hot on the trail of the apprentice necromancer who was to blame for the infestation so they could hand him his eviction notice (Don't look at me like that. The bum wasn't paying his rent, I had no choice. Not to mention the toll the walking dead has on property values. I have to look at recouping my family fortune, after all).

Unfortunately, the journey was taking its toll on their minds. The malaise of madness (remember that?) is a constant strain on their squishy adventurer brains and the challenges of the ruins began to become too much for them. Reynauld was the first to snap and started to become abusive to his fellows, questioning what right they, faithless heathens, had to be battling the legions of the dark. Dismas began to see plots and ambushes in every shadow...and in his own allies. Omand the plague doctor started to become engrossed in masochism, using himself as guinea pig for his unspeakable experiments. By the time they'd set up camp for their first night in the ruins, even faithless Mustel too gave in to her own special brand of madness, babbling incoherently about the invisible light of the sun and stars...though I suppose she couldn't have been too "right in the head" from the start if she was wielding the power of heaven while not actually believing in God.

That night was particularly tense. An insidious trap brought Dismas to death's door just before they set up camp, so I set Mustel and Omand to setting his wounds. It took some time, however. At first, he was wary of them, dismissing the vestal's prayers and claiming he would have no part of the plague doctor's "mad experiments" (which seemed rude considering he'd spent so much time experimenting on himself to get them right). They eventually managed to bind at least some of his wounds, but it took a prohibitively long amount of time and they weren't even able to get to Reynauld's own crippling injuries...likely because they didn't want to go near him considering how verbally abusive he'd become.

Serves him right. No one likes a jerk, Reynauld.

Shortly after the group settled in for the night, spread out throughout the room, either not trusting or not liking their fellows enough to spend the night anywhere near them, they were awoken by an ambush. Fortunately, their training and natural skill was enough to keep them from being killed in their sleep, but it was a difficult battle against cultists and more skeletons...a battle that proved to be too much for their already broken psyches.

Mustel continued to try and heal Dismas, to call upon prayers that even she wouldn't believe would work due to her faithlessness, but he was having nothing of it. "I see what you're plotting," he said, waving off her attempts. It was after one of these attempts that he took a blow that finally felled him...ironically, for all his paranoia, he didn't see it coming.

Seeing his ally fall sent Omand spiraling into his own masochistic malady. Somewhere between euphoric bliss and jealousy, he cried, "HE WHO HEALS IS TRULY IMMORTAL!" and cut himself to prove it.

It turns out he wasn't immortal after all.

Shielding his still-babbling ally, cursing about his fellows' ineptitude the whole time, Reynauld managed to finish the battle all but single-handedly (which did absolutely nothing for his insuferable attitude, let me tall you). Unfortunately, the damage had been done. Two were dead, one's mind completely lost and, in the most pragmatic sense, her usefulness at an end. The ruins had broken my "heroes" and they were forced to retreat...not entirely empty handed for they had found some dusty relics and a small amount of coins, but I still had a freeloading necromancer in my dungeons that I will need to organize another party to clear out before his big skeleton block party tats weekend. Hopefully they will prove to be of tougher stuff than the first.

But I doubt it.

This horrific scene was the tipping point that made me go from liking Darkest Dungeon to loving Darkest Dungeon. Through a series of numbers, random (and sometimes repetitive) dialogue and a stress mechanic that is both surprisingly simple and yet has potential for infinite depth, Darkest Dungeon doesn't so much tell a story (it does, but it's a pretty basic story we've all heard before...not bad, but not exactly innovative) as invite you to tell your own. I love it when a game incorporates random elements in such a way that gives you the tools to craft your own tale. Dwarf Fortress does this beautifully, though if infinitely (and some might say prohibitively) more complex. Sure, everyone who plays the Darkest Dungeon will, at some point, go after the apprentice necromancer as I did, some with greater success and some with lesser success. But each of those attempts are going to be different. Perhaps this guy over here will have managed their heroes' stress better so they didn't all snap (or maybe they all snapped in different ways or at different times). Perhaps that gal over there didn't lose her heroes to insanity but to the mundane...a skeleton's axe or a trap. Or maybe, just maybe, you'll find your adventurers overcome with a sudden surge of heroism rather than madness, and their courage will be an inspiration to their fellows, enough for them to carry on their duty to completion. The random element can often be the difference between success and failure and it is quite often completely out of your control.

This is not a game for the faint of heart. It is prohibitively difficult at times (because, as I said, a lot of the success and failure involved in the game is random) and almost painfully unforgiving. It also may not be a game for those who lack imagination. I suppose there is a sort of mechanical challenge to the game, something meant to be studied, broken and beaten like any other mechanical challenge, through aggressive management of mechanics and numbers...but I think approaching the game like that is doing it a disservice. My above story could have gone very much like this:

My crusader, highwayman, plague doctor and vestal went into the ruins dungeon for the apprentice necromancer quest. Since I hadn't done any stress management for them after the last quest they were on, their stress scores were high and they eventually maxed out. My crusader got the abusive state, my highwayman got the paranoid state, my vestal got the irrational state, my plague doctor got the masochistic state. The paranoid state made it hard to heal my highwayman. He was killed by a skeleton. My plague doctor was dropped to zero hit points and killed himself because of his masochistic state. I won the fight with my two remaining characters and left the dungeon.

Strictly speaking, that's what happened in a mechanical, gameplay sense. And it's boring (well, ok, playing it wasn't boring, but it's not the sort of edge-of-your-seat story that's going to be fun to tell at parties). But if you have the imagination to look at the sometimes-random, even nonsensical things the game does and take a moment to think a little deeper about it, then Darkest Dungeon is a game that will engage you for countless hours, long after the mechanical challenge has ceased to entertain you (whether because you beat it or it's too difficult). It'll engage that part of you that used to play make believe in the yard, to pretend you were a pirate or a cowboy or an astronaut when all you really were was just a spastic kid who'd eaten too much sugar running around in some overgrown grass. Sure, there's some joy to be gained from the strictly mechanical, overcoming what is a pretty unforgiving and difficult dungeon crawling, rogue-like game, but I think it really will speak more to those of us who can still allow an experience not to hold our hands and slap us in the face with a story, but an experience that can take us out of the ordinary and put us in a place with a bag of tools to tell one ourselves.

If you're still capable of that sort of wonder, or if you're simply a fan of dungeon crawlers and rogue-likes in general, then I can't recommend Darkest Dungeon enough.

Darkest Dungeon is currently available for Early Access on Steam for $20.

On Final Fantasy XV's "Gamplay" Trailer

Nice to see Square Enix hasn't changed any. Their "Gameplay" Trailer for Final Fantasy XV is so typical for them.

*cinematic* 

*guys running (technically gameplay)* 

*cinematic* 

*Shot of generic anime/Final Fantasy girl "Cid" who is nowhere near as visually interesting as her male counterparts*

 *guys running (technically gameplay)* 

*Cid again, boobs* 

*cinematic*

*cinematic*

*guys sneaking past a behemoth (actually kind of awesome, also technically gameplay)* 

*cinematic* 

*cinematic* 

*done*

So, if we are to take this trailer at face value and indicative of Final Fantasy XV's gameplay (which is what a gameplay trailer's for, I would remind you), we can assume there are no mechanics other than movement mechanics and no actual combat. Sounds exciting to me! I suppose after Final Fantasy XIII, we shouldn't be surprised that we, the player, are relegated to the role of simply moving the characters from one cut scene to the next.

The Ridley Problem

Ok, I've beat around the bush long enough. It's time to talk about this guy: 

Picture from metroid.wikia.com

A friend of mine had told me previously that the creator of Super Smash Brothers, Masahiro Sakurai, had said that the reason that Ridley wasn't in Smash Brothers wasn't related to his size despite everyone arguing that he was simply too big to be in the game. I hadn't heard Sakurai's argument until today. IGN published a brief interview with Sakurai here.

The key thing to take away from it is this nugget:

“I definitely know that Ridley’s a much-anticipated name for fans, but if we made Ridley as a fighter, it wouldn’t be Ridley any longer,” Sakurai told IGN in an email interview. “It’d have to be shrunk down, or its wings reduced in size, or be unable to fly around freely.”

“Providing accurate portrayals of characters is something I want to pay ample attention to,” he continued. “If I don’t stick to that thought, then we’d have to lower the quality or break the balance of the game. Something that goes way off spec could break the entire game.”

Ok, that's pretty much the whole thing, but whatever. As much as I am pained to admit it, the dude does have a point. It would be very difficult (I disagree that it would be IMPOSSIBLE, but certainly difficult) to capture the menace, the majesty...the awesome nature of Ridley (herein awesome not having the colloquial meaning but rather the literal meaning of "full of awe" or "awe inspiring). As far as Nintendo villains go, few are in the same league as Ridley. Certainly most are far more well-known, but few are as monstrous, as bestial as Ridley. I used the word menace before, and I think Ridley's very design simply oozes menace. We all know we're going to fight Bowser at the end of a Mario game and we prepare for that encounter like we might prepare for a sporting event, drying off our sweaty hands, rolling our shoulders, and getting mentally psyched up for a mechanical challenge. But the menace of Ridley is almost psychological. He is a shadow that looms over the Metroid universe, a physical threat yes, but a psychological one too. He is one of the reasons that a good Metroid game borders on being a horror game.

He's clearly a threatening, imposing figure, and he stands out as unique in the Nintendo universe.

So, while I don't necessarily agree with Sakurai that it couldn't be done (which is clearly what he's implying here), I can at least understand his plight. It's not about shrinking Ridley, it's about defanging him, making him something less than what he is. He wouldn't be able to fly, he wouldn't be the force of nature, the ominous threat that he was before. It's a little like putting Cthulu in a video game as a mere boss. Being able to fight him (in this case, being able to control Ridley), somehow demeans the very idea of him.

I don't like it, but I get it.

However, please, please stop arguing that he's too big to be in the game. He's not too big to be in the game because he's not beyond rescaling. For those of you who still think it's all about his size, this man would like to have words with you:

Picture from ssbwiki.com.

Olimar is listed as three-quarters of an inch tall. I seriously doubt any other Nintendo character (let alone ALL OF THEM) is that size. So he has been resized. And it did not ruin his character. So it's not all about size (like I've said before, Bowser has been pretty big too...at the very least this shows that Nintendo has never cared about scaling characters before). 

However, that doesn't quite address the problem that omitting Ridley from the game really causes. Let's take a look at the Roster. Out of about 50 characters, nine are from the Mario franchise, five are from Zelda, six are from Pokémon (if you count Mewtwo, who has been revealed but not released), three are from Kirby...but Metroid only has two, and that is the same character twice: Samus, the protagonist. By not including Ridley, you're undermining one of Nintendo's most important, flagship franchises. The Metroid franchise has been around since 1986 and has 12 games to its name. It was released the same year as the Legend of Zelda, only three years after the original Mario Brothers (one year after Super Mario Brothers) and six years before the first Kirby game. Hell, Kid Icarus has three characters in Super Smash Brothers and that is a franchise of only three games. And yet Metroid is represented by only two playable characters (that represent only one character...and in past games, she has been only one playable character) in Super Smash Brothers. That borders on criminal in my exaggerated opinion. 

Maybe I can stop harping on this now that I've gotten it out of my system (likely not), but I seriously hope they continue to think about how to add Ridley to the roster, at least making him a more significant presence than simply a stage hazard. Hell, why he hasn't been included as an assist trophy yet is beyond me. Putting him on one map, in a single game mode, as a simple stage hazard, does this character a disservice almost as much as shrinking him and making him a playable character does (might). At least, at the very least, they should make the game mode revolve around him (I haven't yet played the Pyrosphere, I will be picking it up tonight). I could see them making an Evolve-like game mode where one person plays Ridley against three or four other opponents. That way, Ridley can remain large and powerful while being both playable and a significant character (if only in that game mode).

If they do decide to completely scrap any hope of including Ridley in the game, I hope they try and come up with other characters to include from the Metroid franchise. Dark Samus has proven, as an assist trophy, that she/it can be a substantially different character than Samus (and even if she/it isn't, Nintendo has proven they aren't above creating simple pallet-swap characters). Plenty of the bounty hunters from the Metroid Prime series would make for interesting characters, and they wouldn't even be the most obscure characters on the roster (I'm looking at you, Ice Climbers...yes I know they're not in the game anymore). Or Nintendo could get really creative and allow the player to play the Super Metroid itself. I mentioned this option in my fantasy roster a few months (...years? Can't even remember at this point) ago and I still think it could work with a little creativity.

Whatever they do, I really hope Metroid gets some love, and soon. I hope they didn't look at Other M, see the poor reception it got, and think that people are no longer interested in Metroid. We are. We love Metroid and we love Samus when she's written well. And I think Nintendo still has the capability of delivering a quality Metroid experience. Just...don't give it to Team Ninja again.

Characters that really should be in Smash Brothers #1

I know I did this before, but I thought I'd go into a bit more depth now that I've actually played the new game (for those of you who are wondering, I love it. Most fun I've had with my 3DS in ages). So I decided to do a more in-depth look at some of the characters I really feel would fit in well with the current Smash Brothers roster.

I'm going to start with a rather weird one: Sceptile.

(photo from Bulbapedia)

Ok, so I'm guessing most people are going to say "We have enough Pokemon!" And on some level, I agree. But I am also of the opinion that the cast of Smash Brothers should be hundreds-strong, so naturally every represented franchise could feasibly have dozens of representations. Quite a few Pokemon could be included, from Machamp to Gengar to Pancham to Bisharp to Lopunny...the list goes on and on. Dozens if not hundreds of Pokemon could be in the cast. So why Sceptile?

Firstly, the starter Pokemon are iconic. One might argue that some are moreso than others and maybe the generation three starters aren't necessarily the most recognizable, but ultimately there's a reason why one (arguably two) of the new additions to the roster in the newest game is a starter Pokemon. Sure, Charizard was already pretty well fleshed out because of the Pokemon Trainer (who I miss, by the by...what a great mechanic), but they easily could have left him out but didn't. That's because Charizard is recognizable and even Greninja, a relatively new Pokemon, represents the franchise in a way that other Pokemon don't.

So starter Pokemon are recognizable and represent their franchise exceptionally well. But why Sceptile specifically? Well, first of all, if Greninja was included because of Pokemon sixth generation's recent release (perhaps to build up awareness of the franchise), then what better time to also introduce a third generation starter to the roster? After all, Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire are coming out soon, how much more relevant can you get? But even beyond that, there are two perfectly good reasons to pick Sceptile over other starters. First off, the reason why I say Sceptile over say Blaziken or Swampert (though either would work very well as well) is because SSB2014 introduced Charizard and Greninja, a fire and water starter. Sceptile would complete the trifectum with a grass-type starter and would be pleasing symmetrically. Secondly, Sceptile is humanoid and would fit well with the SSB atmosphere. His whole aesthetic would be unique and interesting amidst the established cast and his kit practically writes itself with powerful leaping skills and razor-sharp leaves. Being grass-type, he would have access to a moveset that is not utilized in this installation of the series...and you could even recycle moves from the scrapped Ivysaur character from Brawl. He even has a mega evolution, like Charizard, that could be used as a final smash.

So as far as relevance goes, Sceptile is a pretty obvious pick. I'd say other franchises need better representation than Pokemon, which already has five characters (six if you count Mewtwo's previous appearance), but like I said before, if we're talking a dream roster, I'd say the sky's the limit. Go nuts!

Why Digimon All-Star Rumble Will Suck (...but I hope it won't)

So I heard today that Bandai/Namco is coming out with a new Digimon game. I’ll be completely shameless here and say that I have been waiting for this day for YEARS. I am a completely unironic lover of the entire Digimon franchise. Don’t get me wrong, I like Pokemon and the titanic Nintendo spawn has done a much better job as building a franchise than its much-smaller bastard cousin, but Digimon’s premise has always been unique and clever and interesting, even when it’s been at its worst and completely mishandled (which has, sadly, been quite often).

I’ll admit it. I totally and unabashedly loved Digimon World Championship, though I may have been more in love with the actual concept and not the execution. The idea of a game that is basically just “get monster, raise monster, fight monster, repeat” has always kind of been at the very basic core of Digimon. Sure, the shows were sweeping, epic things at their best moments, but the game itself started off with those little electronic Tomodachi-esque devices in which you got monster, raised monster, fought monster, repeated. That is what is at its core, that is the basic concept of the franchise.

Unfortunately, that isn’t what Namco/Bandai has been capitalizing on with Digimon. What Digimon has become is basically just a Pokemon rip-off with some minimal variation to the concept. I know this is a criticism that has been leveled at it since its inception, but the two games, though starting at roughly the same time and with the same basic core (fighting your monsters against your friends’ monsters) have always had two very different cores. Pokemon has always been more about the team while Digimon has always been more about forming a bond with one specific monster. Pokemon games have always been more about following a story while, at least in the beginning, Digimon games were more about raising that monster, training it to fight (the animé and manga being completely different beasts, of course). Pokemon’s monsters (with the exception of the so-called legendary pokemon) have always been more down to Earth while digimon’s have been more outlandish, often more stylistic and less based on real-life creatures (or keychains).

Digimon and Pokemon are two different things.

Unfortunately, Pokemon is simply the better-known and more popular franchise, largely because the formula proved to be more lucrative, I think. The story of the Pokemon games, though repeated ad nauseum, are more engrossing than the core Digimon experience of raise monster, fight monster. And success breeds envy. We’ve seen it countless times in MMOs—how many MMOs would there be right now if the desire to chomp into the giant pie of World of Warcraft’s success didn’t exist?—and it’s every bit as prevalent in this instance. Digimon wants to be Pokemon when it should be happy being Digimon.

I could go on about this for pages, but I’d rather discuss the very brief clip I’ve seen of this new Digimon game. Now, don’t get me wrong. Like a lot of the Digimon games, this one has the core of a great idea and there’s no reason that the concept—a Super Smash Brothers-esque brawler with the digimon as fighters, including, of course, a digivolution mechanic wherein you get stronger as the match goes on—could be good. In fact, there’s no reason it couldn’t be great. But it won’t be. Because I have no faith in Namco/Bandai to capitalize on what makes Digimon great. All they do is emulate and copy and I have no reason to believe that a Super Smash Brothers-esque brawler (coming out at roughly the same time as the new and super hyped up Super Smash Brothers, designed by Namco, actually) is anything other than a hasty attempt to ride its inspiration’s coat tails to some small, barely-profitable success. The fact that it was announced in late July to be released that Fall fills me with apprehension and dread. Even moreso when I realize…hey look, the new Smash Brothers game ALSO releases this fall.

Let’s look at what this concept could (and probably should) be. This will be a fighting game, pure and simple. Gone is any pretense of story (I hope). And there is nothing wrong with this, this is the basic core of Digimon: the battle. You would start with an egg, just like with the Tomodachi-esque devices, and, once it hatches, you would begin the training regiment, raising basic stats, like in other Digimon games, as well as its affinity to you and other elements in the digimon universe (dragon, machine, etc). How you raise your digimon would not only affect how it handles in battle (is it quick and weak? Or slow and strong? How high does it jump? Does it rely on its claws and teeth or on its special attacks?) but also what digivolution paths it follows. In essence, it would be a basic, old-school Digimon-raising game of yore brought into the modern age. This would add the depth all fighting games need while staying pure to Digimon’s core gameplay: get monster, raise monster, fight monster, repeat. It would also be a unique way of having your “choose” a character. Instead of having a roster to choose from in the game lobby, you would choose your digivolution path. There could even be a “tournament structure” like Digimon World Championship, an actual structure to the battles, a reason to do them. Hell, it could even have 3DS support so you could bring your digimon with you and train it on the go. How freaking cool would that be?

This is what we’re going to get: a character select screen, a basic brawl, and a continue screen. Sure, we’ll get a few game modes. I saw “survival mode” and I’m sure we’ll get an arcade mode that, like all fighting games, wants to pretend there’s an epic story between each round. But that story will be lame and stupid and Namco/Bandai should be ashamed of themselves. The long and the short of it is, no matter how interesting the mechanics might be, the game itself will have no lasting appeal because it will completely and utterly lack the heart and core of Digimon.

And that is a crying shame.

It’s a crying shame when a company doesn’t know what it has or what it could have. It’s a crying shame when a company sees something successful and wants to emulate it to grab up some small fraction of that something’s success rather than making their own product great in its own right to rightfully earn some (or even all) of that something’s success. And it’s a crying shame that we still can’t get the goddamn game Digimon game we all want.

Yes, of course my idea above wouldn’t appeal to everyone. It might not even have the universal appeal Pokemon seems to enjoy. But Pokemon was lightning. And lightning never strikes twice. You can’t try to recreate the same success by painting over it with new colors. You need to recreate Pokemon’s success by doing what Pokemon originally did: create an interesting and lasting premise and sticking with it. Digimon started a staring contest with Pokemon and lost long ago. But it continues to stare at its rival while Pokemon is off doing other things, completely clueless that Digimon thinks the competition is still going.

Ok, so that metaphor kind of got away from me, but you get the point. I firmly believe that if Digimon stopped trying to be Pokemon (or SSB or anyone other than Digimon), it could exist side by side with Pokemon. The advantage games and concepts like this have over, say, the MMO surge of pretenders is that people will gladly play more than one video game series simultaneously. MMOs are more pervasive. They’re designed to take up all your time (and, in most cases, your money too). Most people won’t play more than one or two. But the overlap in fans between Digimon and Pokemon is huge…and I think most of them aside from the most pig-headed fans that will never give Digimon a chance because it’s “just a Pokemon ripoff,” would be happy to have both in their lives as long as they offered their own unique takes on a similar concept.

I know, Namco might surprise me. In fact, I hope they do. Ultimately, the only reason I'm writing this is to hedge my bets. I am almost always wrong. About everything. So if I write this now, only two things could result: either A) I'm proven right and Namco is a bunch of idiots mishandling a great franchise (much more likely) or B) I'm proven wrong and I finally get a great Digimon game.

Sounds like win/win to me!

Let's do this thing right, Nintendo.

Been awhile. :D

Ok Nintendo, let's you and I have a little talk. It's about Super Smash Brothers. Firstly, I wish you'd come up with a better title for your newest entry in the franchise. Now no one will know whether I'm talking about the original game, any of the sequels (and just using shorthand), the newest game in the franchise specifically, or the series itself in general.

The answer is the last two, in case you're wondering.

So I just heard today that you were splitting up Zelda and Sheik into two different characters. This is a terrible idea (unless they're actually making Sheik into the original Sheik that isn't Zelda...which actually wouldn't be a bad idea, but I'm committed to the lie, so I'm going to pretend that isn't the case). Let me tell you why. Zelda and Sheik, first off, are the same character and you found an intensely creative way to implement that fact into the game. Perhaps this was because your roster was so necessarily limited in the first few games that you had no other choice, but that just goes to show that game designers who are restrained (by budgets, by technology, whatever) often do things better than those with infinite resources at their disposal. The fact that Zelda and Sheik are the same character in the games makes their ability to switch at will both clever and apropos. And you just ruined that. Good job.

Secondly, and here's the biggest beef I have, you are ruining a perfectly good crossover experience. Crossovers are kind of my thing. I love them. I love everything about them. Kingdom Hearts? Awesome. Marvel vs. Capcom? Awesome. Wreck-It Ralph? Awesome. Blizzard's Heroes of the Storm? Awesome. Super Smash Brothers? Well, despite your constant attempts to ruin it? Also extremely awesome. Here you have the biggest mashup of Nintento characters (and even Nintendo affiliated characters) ever dreamed of, every Nintendo fan-boy's wet dream, and you are ruining it by adding in reskins of the same character! Shame on you! You were already on thin ice with the announcement that Toon Link would return to this game, but then you go and tell me you are backing out of an amazing implimentation idea to make Zelda and Sheik into separate characters?

Shame on you.

You need to stop pretending this game is anything other than a crossover dream. Sure people like to compete, but this is not a hardcore fighting game. It never will be. It will never compete with Street Fighter. The real draw is and always has been the crossover aspect, and it only ever appeals to Nintendo fans. Watching Mario beat the tar out of Kirby (or the other way around if I have my way) while Samus and Link sit back with popcorn and watch. Subspace Emmisary was amazing and you announced it would not be returning? For shame!

You've been skirting around this game's primary appeal for a long time, in all honesty. You've had a few missteps, like including Young/Toon Link, Dr. Mario, whatever. But you've also made some great decisions. The inclusion of ancient, obscure characters like Pitt (though that was just in time for his attempted revitalization on the 3DS, so I guess it was a clever marketing ploy), Little Mac, and even the Ice Climbers (Jesus, does anyone even remember those guys?)...not to mention Game and Watch and R.O.B., was a stroke of genius. Adding Sonic? Watching Sonic and Mario compete and beat the crap out of each other has been my dream for decades. And Mega Man? MEGA MAN?! If it weren't for Mega Man, I would have written this one off and not even considered buying it. But there was a time when Mega Man was basically a Nintendo exclusive, so it works so amazingly well. Great work! ...now go get Simon Belmont!

But here you have a game based on a crossover fantasy that you could actually, legitimately have a roster of easily over 100 characters and you are wasting valuable production time (as well as space on the screen) with multiple inclusions of the same character. This, to me, is a huge mistake.

So I'm going to do you a favor. I am picking an arbitrary number...let's say fifty...and I am going to tell you that many characters that would have been a better inclusion into this franchise than Sheik or Toon Link. And you are going to go back to the drawing board and INCLUDE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

Why fifty? Because I had way too many ideas to stop at twenty...

Ok, so a few ground rules. Firstly, this list is going to start at the least interesting (to me) and go all the way up to one character that if he is not included in the roster starting IMMEDIATELY, Nintendo is officially some of the biggest morons on the face of the Earth. Secondly, I have not played every single Nintendo game ever made. In fact, I have not played a lot of them. I missed a chunk of Zelda games between Ocarina of Time (which I have not finished) and Wind Waker. I have not played ANY of the 3D Mario games starting with 64 and going through Galaxy (ok, so I played a little bit of Sunshine). So obviously my list will not include characters I don't know exist. That being said, I know a lot about the rosters of Nintendo games, so I think I'll get most of the hot spots. If I missed any big name characters (I didn't even know who Rosalina was until her announcement trailer), I apologize in advance. Thirdly, I will be somewhat stingy with the non-Nintendo characters. This is a Nintendo franchise crossover and being Nintendo exclusive doesn't necessarily count. Any non-Nintendo characters are included sparingly as nostalgic little Easter-egg shoutouts like Mega Man. There are a few in my list, and I will justify them as I get to them. The only exception right now is Sonic. As far as I'm concerned, Sonic is a Nintendo franchise now. Yes, he appears on other consoles (and PC), but he's been in crossover games with Mario. Multiple crossover games with Mario. That's good enough for me. Expect at least a few of his characters as entries here. Fourth...ly?, I tried to stick with protagonists, antagonists, and love-interests. In a few cases, there is a pretty big supporting cast (I'm looking at you, Sonic), but I really tried to keep those sorts of characters to a minimum. Generally, if they only appeared in a few games, I left them off the list, but if they appeared in a majority of them, I included them. In the end, my decisions are pretty arbitrary, though. Fifthly, I'm getting sick of adverbising numbers, so let's get to the list!

50. Kraid (Metroid): This one's a bit of a hard sell, but I feel like it needs to be mentioned simply because Metroid is desperately underrepresented in the Smash Brothers games. Kraid is a pretty iconic fight, though you only fight him a couple times. His main problem is that he's so freaking huge and, unfortunately, his size is kind of non-negotiable...it's pretty much a major part of his character. They could shrink him down like his original appearance, but that would be doing the character a disservice. Far better to keep him huge. There are other options for Metroid characters...

49. Donkey Kong Jr. (Donkey Kong Jr.): So, uh...appearently Donkey Kong (as we know him today) is...actually Donkey Kong Junior's son...? Because Donkey is Cranky's grandson? Or something? God, I don't know, whatever. Just have a little rolly polly ape from the bygone 8-bit eras bouncing around the screen and be done with it.

48. Monster Hunter (Monster Hunter): Ok, another one that's not a Nintendo exclusive and hence is very low on the list (also, it's fairly generic and may not fit in real well), but it seems maybe almost close enough that it could count...maybe, I don't know.  It looks to me like the main games of the current (fourth) generation are announced only for Nintendo consoles. This one should probably be an honorable mention, but I'll include it here anyways since it just...seems...so...Nintendo...

Basically just a dude in armor running around with a variety of weapons. I'm not sure it would fit thematically, but who knows? I suppose they could make it work.

47. Candy Kong (Donkey Kong Country): I don't know. I just don't know. But I guess DK has a girlfriend and she should probably be included...she seems mildly offensive, though, so of all the protagonist love-interests, I think this one could be omitted (unless she's more characterized that it appears on my very brief perusal of the Mario Wiki...)

I'll mention this now because (spoiler alert) there are more Donkey Kong characters on this list: I have not played a Donkey Kong game since the original Donkey Kong Country on the Super Nintendo, and that was shortly after it was released in 1994. That was 20 years ago. So yeah, I know nothing about the DK canon except the very basics. I just know that, while I may not be a big fan, it is an important part of the Nintendo canon, so it should have adequate representation.

46. Cream (Sonic Advance 2): So I'm going to avoid using all of the silly results of Sonic Team's cast EXPLOSION of the past decade or so, but I've always had a soft spot for Cream and I couldn't exactly tell you why. Like I said before, Sonic is basically a Nintendo mainstay now, so some roster inclusion in SSB is forgivable. Cream would probably be a bit of a joke character, but she'd be able to fly. And her Chao, Cheese, would probably be able to--

...wait...Cream and Cheese? HAH! Good one -_-

Anyways, don't expect a lot of Sonic characters on this list. I still think of most of the roster growth since Sonic Adventure (and back to Chaotix) was unnecessary and a bit silly, with the possible exception of...

45. Espio (Knuckles' Chaotix): Ok, so I don't think much of the Sonic cast should be in this game, specifically no one introduced after about 1993, but Espio seems like he would actually be a pretty fun addition, if only because he's a goddamn ninja. His Final Smash could summon the rest of the ill-begotten Chaotix cast to wail on the enemies. There, included half a dozen characters for the price of one.

Anyways, while I do think much of the "new" Sonic cast is silly as hell, Espio would still be a pretty neat addition. While I like Espio a lot, particularly compared to the rest of the recent cast, I just can't justify him being higher on the list.

44. Simon Belmont (Castlevania): Ok, so I was kind of joking about adding Simon Belmont before, but thinking back, there really were only a handful of iconic Nintendo (console, not company) games. Mario was number one, of course. Mega Man was a close second. Castlevania was right up there as well. I think the inclusion of Simon, particularly with Mega Man there as well, would really hearken back to the days of yore. With the whip gameplay and the multiple secondary weapons at his disposal, his mechanics would be quite easy to work into the game. The only decision you'd have to make is whether to include him as a super retro, pixilated version or to update his look (whether to a more cartoony version or something more gritty and serious like Solid Snake was). Besides, now that you have Mega Man and Pitt in the game, you have the whole cast of Captain N! With the exception of...

43. Captain N (Captain N: The Game Master): No, I'm not joking. I know a lot of people would like to forget that this was ever even a thing, but I loved Captain N growing up. It was a cartoon that spoke to me as a member of the video game culture. Yeah, looking back on it now it was pretty terrible, but there were a lot of good things going on there, and what better way to implement the Nintendo peripherals than with a character who basically used them all. He even used the Power Glove in the comics! ...I need to go download those now.

Anyways, reinvent him, retool him, give him a few more tricks. Bam, you have an obscure call out to the days of yore.

42. Mallow (Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars): Damn this guy's cute...of course in looking up Geno (see below) online, I immediately remembered the puffy cloud prince. Visual design is again great, and his moveset could come straight out of the Super Mario RPG. 

Ok, so I don't remember enough about this guy to write anything else, but honestly, Super Mario RPG should be immortalized. It was a fantastic parody of JRPGs of the time and a fantastic game in its own right that basically birthed an entire Nintendo franchise. It should be more represented!

41. Geno (Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars): Ok, so last time I played the Super Mario RPG was about a million and a half years ago and the only reason I even remembered Geno's name was because I saw him on a SSB forum thread as a requested character, but upon looking him up on Google, I immediately recognized him, despite having played the game about twenty years ago. His visual design is extremely distinctive and, though he's obscure, his moveset would be able to come straight out of the game in which he was created. Geno Beam? Geno shoots a straight shot that can whipe out an entire line (like a horizontal thunderbolt from Pikachu), Geno Whirl? he throws a disc with high smash potential. Geno Blast? Final Smash that summoned beams of light from the sky. Geno Flash? HE TURNS INTO A DAMN CANNON! What more do you want?

Seriously, he turns into a cannon. This guy needs to appear in more games, Nintendo. If he did (and if Mario wasn't overrepresented as it is), I would put him higher on the list.

40. Cranky Kong (Donkey Kong Country): I could have sworn Cranky was spelled with a K...

Maybe a bit of an unorthodox possibility, but I think Cranky would be a fun roster entry. Honestly, I haven't played much of Donkey Kong games (I did beat the original Donkey Kong Country back in the day, but that feels like a lifetime ago). I'm sure there's lots you could do with him, but I'm so uneducated on the series that I can't even make any suggestions. Go ahead and use your imagination.

39. Toad (Super Mario Brothers): Yeah, I know. There's already too many Mario characters included in the roster as it is. Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Bowser, Yoshi, Wario (who has not been announced yet...), and now Princess Rosalina? Yeah, I'd say that's enough representation...but y'know what? Mario is Nintendo's big flagship series. It's pretty much what you think about when you think about Nintendo...so yeah, let's go whole hog.

So here we have Toad. Yes, Toad. I know Princess Peach uses "him" as an attack, but there seems to be that one (or two) Toad(s) that keeps appearing in games as co-stars, from Mario 2 to Mario Kart (and all the other Mario sports games) to Mario 3D World. Again, yeah there's a lot of Mario characters in the roster, but Mario is basically Nintendo's favorite son, so I'll let it slide. Besides, Toad is a bit of a workhorse and probably deserves his own spot. You could even include Toadette for the cute factor, but I'll spare you putting her on the list...

38. Fi (Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword): Again, I haven't played Skyward sword and I've heard bad things about it and about this character in general. But Fi exists. She is a thing. Why not include her in Smash Brothers? Redeem her a bit even (if she is indeed as annoying as everyone says). Navi can't exactly be included (man would THAT be a small hit box), so settle for the next best thing. Besides, she is a living sword. How can you not do something cool with that? Her visual design is friggen sweet to boot.

Besides, I just can't justify putting Tinkle on the roster...ugh.

37. Pigma Dengar (Starfox 64): Sure, why not? If only as a joke character...

Now, I played about ten minutes of Starfox 64 waaaaay back when it came out and I barely remember anything of Starfox Assault (though I guess I beat it at one point...), so I don't know much about Pigma or the rest of his team, but it seems like the inclusion of Falco is a bit arbitrary without the rest of the team(s) being far behind. If it were just Fox and Wolf, I could see leaving out the rest of their teams...after all, Starfox isn't exactly tops of Nintendo's franchises. But still, as long as we're building up a fantasy roster, I could see including them. Even Pigma. Maybe he bounces when he hits the ground!

36. Pokey Minch (Mother 2): Consider this the obligatory "Mother antagonist" spot on the list, but Pokey seems a pretty decent choice (as the primary antagonist from Mother 2/Earthbound is fairly abstract). He already basically appeared in Super Smash Brothers Brawl as a boss fight. Shrink him down a bit (or retool his little capsule thing) and you have yourself a fairly bizarre, unique fighter. Alternatively you could just use a Starman. They're basically just random enemies you encounter in the game, but they're featured on the box art, so they're pretty iconic. And the cast of "Mother" needs better representation.

35. Samurai Goroh (F-Zero): Hey, remember this game? Of course you do, Captain Falcon came from it. If Falcon can be in a game, then there should be more representation from it...particularly an antagonist, which Goroh is (as the rival of Falcon). He's even listed as being proficient with a katana and very agile despite his rather bulky frame. Seems like the makings of a decent character!

34. Jody Summer (a.k.a. Miss Galactic Space Federation!)(F-Zero X): A possible love-interest for Captain Falcon maybe? I can't be bothered to read more about her. As I mentioned above, F-Zero needs more representation, and Jody is listed as being a "combat-machine pilot" with highly regarded abilities on the wiki, so...yeah, we could work with that!

33. Sylux (Metroid Prime Hunters): Sylux is one of nine bounty hunters introduced in the Metroid Prime series between Prime Hunters and Prime 3. I include him/her in this list rather than the others because A) I had all of them written in before I realized I had too many characters already and B) s/he seems to have a more significant role in the series beyond just "temporary antagonist," if only because of some possibly-misinterpreted foreshadowing (it is possible that Sylux's ship can be seen following Samus at the end of Metroid Prime 3: Corruption when you have a 100% item collection rate).

Sylux is a mysterious bounty hunter who seems to have a hidden agenda against the Galactic Federation and Samus Aran specifically. Not much is known about him/her and s/he seems to use stolen prototype Federation technology. Given this and the fact that Sylux's flavor text refuses to use gendered pronouns, Sylux really is being painted out to be kind of an anti-Samus. I still prefer Dark Samus if only because it's a metroid that looks like Samus, but Sylux might be a better addition simply because s/he looks different. On the other hand, it's possible that the notion that Sylux is an anti-Samus is a bit misleading and if that's the case, s/he has no more right to be on this roster than any of the other bounty hunters (indeed less so as there are a number of cooler options like Rundas and Gandraya from Metroid Prime 3).

32. Peppy Hare (Starfox): Peppy's probably the hardest of Team Starfox to place in a fighting game. Yeah, Slippy's basically a computer geek, but he's also an inventor, so that seems like an obvious angle to take. But Peppy's basically an old bunny that, taken out of his Arwing, probably wouldn't be a whole lot in a fight. Still, he's a pretty cool guy, and as long as we're inventing a cast of over a hundred, he definitely deserves a spot on the roster. His experience in battle (and the fact that his jump skill is the highest of the entire cast in Starfox Assault) would make him at least a passable fighter. If nothing else, he'd basically just be a clone of Fox with better jump ability.

31. Panther Caroso (Starfox 64): Ok, I don't know anything about Panther. Again, I never played Starfox 64 and barely remember anything about Assault, but I've included the rest of the Starfox (and Starwolf) roster here, so it seems only fitting. If nothing else, with a fantasy roster this size, it seems obvious that there'd be some clone characters. Panther would probably be Fox/Wolf/Falco with some tweaked stats (probably faster but less jumpy).

30. Slippy Toad (Starfox): In my humble opinion, if you include Falco in the lineup (in EVERY SINGLE GAME), the rest of the cast shouldn't be far behind. Yeah, Slippy and Peppy weren't the most physically-able members of Team Starfox, but that just requires you to be more creative with them. Slippy, for instance, is an inventor and engineer. So give him a number of gadgets to help him keep up with the rest of his team. Also, apparently he's pretty darn good with a Landmaster and, in Star Fox Assault, has the second highest stamina in the game after Wolf. Yeah, I'm surprised too.

29. Ditto (Pokemon Generation 1): A fun little addition from the Pokemon series, Ditto could be a mediocre fighter that can use a super move to take the appearance (and movesets) from an opponent, perhaps via physical contact or by shooting out a projectile of some sort. Naturally some allowances would have to be made since he couldn't just turn into anyone he saw (...or could he? Maybe each of his four special moves could pick one of the people in the match...). An alternative would be to make him like Mega Man and just have him turn into a number of different Pokemon for single attacks/special moves. A winning addition to the roster!

28. Metal Sonic (Sonic the Hedgehog CD) : Metal Sonic is a mainstay of the Sonic Universe and, as I mentioned before, Sonic is basically a Nintendo Franchise now. Unfortunately, he would also basically be a reskin of Sonic with a very similar moveset. I only include him in this list because...come on, he's so freakin' awesome looking!

One could make an argument for altering his moveset as well, giving him extendable limbs, laser blasts, force fields, energy surges, etc, etc. He also hovers rather than runs, which would add an additional mechanic. While naturally Robotnik, Tails, Knuckles, and even Amy (see below) would be better additions to the series, if I were to add multiple entries, Metal Sonic is a must have.

27. Ephraim (Fire Emblem): So like many games on this list, I have never played Fire Emblem, so don't know much about this guy. I talked to a friend for this one, specifically asking for suggestions for characters from Fire Emblem. One of my major beefs is that they've included multiple characters from this franchise but they've all been sword fighters. I mean, we already have Link and, yes, I know Marth and Link play very differently, we certainly don't need two swordsmen and we certainly don't need three.

Ephraim is the main character of Sacred Stones, so you have the protagonist angle there, plus he uses a spear and shield, something SSB doesn't have. Yeah, Sacred Stones came out ages ago, but come on. Let's move away from the swords please?

26. Dark Samus (Metroid Prime): A psychotic, intelligent, shapeshifting Metroid that looks like Samus? Sign me up! Yeah, so this character would almost fall into the "reskinned" category, but there are enough differences here that I think it would work (particularly if the roster was huge already). And besides, it's not a reskin. My problem with Sheik and Toon Link (and Dr. Mario back in the day) is that they are the same character. Dark Samus is not, and from your encounters with her (it) in the Metroid Prime Trilogy, it's obvious that their movesets would be different. Dark Samus is more prone to using charged (continuous) laser shots, it flies, it has shockwave attacks...there would be variations there, enough for a mention in this list. I still think as far as villains go, there are better options, but Dark Samus definitely deserves a spot in this list.

25. Mog (Final Fantasy VI):  Ok, a little explanation is in order here. Some of you whipper-snappers might be too young to remember the bygone days of yore to which I'm about to refer, but waaaaay back in the 8-bit era, there were basically two RPGs (and everything else sucked). If you owned a Sega Genesis, you basically played Phantasy Star. If you owned a Nintendo, you basically played...Final Fantasy. Yup, way back in the day, Final Fantasy was absolutely a Nintendo-only franchise. From the original Final Fantasy to Final Fantasy VI, every single entry (including a number of amazing and not-so-amazing Gameboy ports of other RPGs with the Final Fantasy name slapped on them for brand recognition) was only available on a Nintendo console.

That seems good enough for me to add a character to the SSB roster!

Anyways, I don't know exactly what happened, but Nintendo and Squeenix had a bit of a fallout and FFVII appeared only on the Playstation. They seemed to have made up at some point after that as there were (and continue to be) a few Final Fantasy games exclusive only to Nintendo consoles (Heroes of the Light and the Crystal Chronicle games specifically), but their relationship has never been the same again. I don't know if they're on better terms now, or even good enough terms to make a character in a Smash Brothers game feasible, but a dude can dream.

I think Mog (or a generic Moogle) would be a fine entry for Final Fantasy to the roster of Smash Brothers for a number of reasons. FFVI was probably one of the best-known of the series from the Nintendo era (before it got all dark and gritty and uuuuuugh) and, in my opinion, the pinnacle of the series (not that I didn't enjoy some of the more modern entries).

Mog in general (or a generic Moogle) would fit the tone of the Smash Brothers games and he's a good representative of the Nintendo era of Final Fantasy games. Moogles appeared somewhat more regularly in the Nintendo entries and are even playable in many situations. Mog from Final Fantasy VI had a number of dance attacks that could be worked into his moveset or, if you prefer, you could give him some Final Fantasy Tactics-esque jobs that change based on the costume you select for him. There're a number of possibilities here, but I think adding a moogle to the roster would be a good homage to Square and Nintendo's old ties back in the day.

24. Validar (Fire Emblem: Awakening): Once again, I haven't played Fire Emblem and I think there should be more representation of the series than a pair of identical swordsmen. I'm fine with Marth being in the game as he seems the series' iconic protagonist (I guess? I'd think they'd replace him with Chrom in the most recent Smash Brothers game since Chrom is the protagonist in Awakening, but whatever), but there should at least be someone that uses another weapon as the series' second roster spot.

And there should probably be an antagonist.

I list Validar here because he seems to be a (the) major antagonist in Fire Emblem: Awakening, but consider this to be a slot for just an iconic Fire Emblem antagonist. Validar seems like some sort of wizard dude (boy am I flexing my writerly integrity here or what?) so there's a bit of variety in that, and he looks pretty sweet, but you could do anything. My Fire Emblem-inclined friend also suggest Nergal (another castery guy) or Ashnard (an axe-wielder). Any of the three would be good. Just get some variety in there! I'd probably pick Ashnard and leave Hector (see below) out (maybe put in Ephraim instead, above), but...I like Hector :-(. Besides, Fire Emblem seems important enough to have three characters.

23. Leon Powalski (Starfox 64): Other than Krystal (below), Leon would be the other Starfox character I would include if only able to add only one more, if only because he is Falco's opposite number on Team Starwolf. Besides, he seems like he would be the most different of the cast (including Team Starfox, with the possible exception of Slippy Toad if you take into account the fact that he's an engineer, see below). He's a chameleon, so it seems like he'd be able to stealth himself for brief periods, and he'd probably be a bit quicker on the ground (maybe even be able to cling to walls). Besides, he's a bit of a psychopath, and that would be an interesting addition to the roster of personalities if nothing else.

22. King Hippo (Mike Tyson's Punch Out!): Of all the Punch Out! adversaries, King Hippo is easily the most memorable with the exception of Mike Tyson...so the most memorable one that isn't going to bite your ear off in the ring.

Ok, kidding, kidding.

Anyways, King Hippo was the one guy in that game that you couldn't beat by just clubbing in the face and gut. He was a gimmick fight. And we all remember him because of it. And the fact that his pants kept falling down. Now that Little Mac is in the game, King Hippo seems an obvious addition. You already have a series of big, heavy fighters, King Hippo seems like he would fit right in.

21. Waluigi (Mario Tennis):  With Wario being included, then, it seems obvious that Waluigi should be included as well. Now, I've never played a game with Waluigi in it (except maybe a Mario Kart game at one point, but you can't really get a feel for the dude when he's always behind the wheel of a gokart), but I'm sure there's something you could do with him to make him unique. They definitely made Wario into something on his own. Yeah, I guess the fact that he has his own game series is pretty much the only reason he's included in the roster at all, but still...Waluigi is a better choice than taking up a roster slot with a repeat character!

20. Dixie Kong (Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy Kong's Quest): I really can't say much here as, again, I don't really play the Donkey Kong games, but Daisy seems an obvious addition to a roster that already includes Donkey and Diddy. I'm sure she has a potential moveset and...doesn't she fly? Whatever, she'll probably make it in at some point anyways, so her appearance in this list is probably completely unnecessary.

19. Charlie (Pikmin 3): Another game I've actually played. Yeah, Charlie would probably be basically Olimar Part 2: Electric Boogaloo, but it would also be a potential opportunity to introduce the newer Pikmin that were created after Olimar's introduction into Smash Brothers, giving him a possibly completely different moveset than Olimar. He is also built differently than Olimar, he seems more physically fit and powerful, which would be something else to work with. If nothing else, another character from Pikmin might not be a bad thing.

Alternately, Alph or, more preferably Brittany, would be possible additions. I would prefer Brittany because she's so adorable...

18. Paula (Mother 2): Love-interest alert. I haven't finished Earthbound (BUT I ACTUALLY PLAYED IT), but I know the game is desperately underrepresented in the current Smash Brothers roster. So let's put Paula in there instead of Lucas, who is basically just Ness Again. She's another female character, a potential love interest for Ness (who also should continue to be in the game) and she isn't necessarily a carbon copy of Ness like Lucas (kind of) was. I suppose since all the characters basically had the same attacks, she probably would end up being similar, but at least she'd look different...I guess.

I may have just sacrificed some credibility there...

Anyways, she DOES have some unique abilities. Her "pray" ability has a series of random effects that could be used in her moveset, anyways. I like her better than the (possible) love interest of Mother 3, Kumatora, both because she is actually a love interest by virtue of admitting to have a crush on Ness (and Kumatora would be only because she's the only female lead), and because Kumatora from Mother 3 doesn't really seem to have anything distinguishing her like Paula's "pray" ability (I've never played Mother 3, so I don't really know if that's true or not). Either way, either character could be included I suppose.

17. Heroes of the Light (Final Fantasy): (for the history of Squaresoft and Nintendo, check out Mog's entry above)Final Fantasy 1 basically started it all (duh), so my idea here would be to add one character to the roster that represented four core classes from the original Final Fantasy (sorry Red Mage and Black Belt). Basically, you would have the Pokemon Trainer, but instead of switching Pokemon you would switch between the Fighter, the Black Mage, the White Mage, and the Thief (or maybe just the Fighter, the Black Mage, and the White Mage). Each character would then have three moves, the Fighter would have stronger attacks, the Black Mage would have ranged spells, the White Mage could heal themselves (and remove status effects maybe?), and the thief would be very mobile. Alternately, you could just include the Red Mage since they could basically do everything to a lesser degree anyways. Alternately alternately, you could just include Mog! (see above). Yeah, the Hero of Light appears in Dissidia, so this is probably not something Squenix would be amenable to, but as long as I'm dreaming...

(it bears noting that this idea isn't so far fetched as the black mage and white mage, as well as the cactaur, all appeared in at least two Mario Sports games)

16. Wreck-it Ralph (Wreck-it Ralph): Perhaps Ralph should appear in an honorable mention, but it seems like Nintendo did a lot of collaborating with this one (or Disney waved huge wads of cash in front of Nintendo's nose...which is more likely). Ralph's games appeared only on Nintendo consoles and he himself appeared in Sonic's most recent racing game (I'm not even going to bother looking it up. Frankly, if Sonic appears in a racing game and isn't just running alongside other characters' vehicles, it's completely silly in my eyes). That seems like justification to me! Ralph himself (hah, it rhymes) is a throwback to a Nintendo-esque era of retro video games, so I think he would fit in brilliantly. He's a heavy bruiser type that seems like he would be pretty straight forward to play...definitely should be able to make that happen.

15. Knuckles (Sonic the Hedgehog 3): Knuckles fits into SSB perfectly. The dude just punches people. I may be a bit biased since he's one of my favorite characters in the series for inexplicable reasons, but he would differentiate himself enough from Sonic by just being able to glide and being a bruiser.

14. Krystal (Starfox Adventures): Have I mentioned I haven't played a Starfox game since the original? I know nothing about Krystal, but I'd say if any one other character from the Starfox games should be included, it's her. She's a telepath, so it seems like there'd be some fun things to play with there, including her multiple barriers and being the only one that uses an actual weapon. Besides, Every other Nintendo hero gets their love interests included, why not Fox?!

13. Hector (Fire Emblem: Binding Blade): I already talked about Fire Emblem earlier, but I think of all the characters that could be included, Hector seems like the most iconic while being the most dissimilar to Marth that we could get. I should probably have put my "antagonist catch-all" spot higher up on the list, but...come on, I want to see Hector swing that giant axe around. He would be a bit more ponderous, but a lot more brutish than Marth and, while the two look quite similar, you could easily just use his more grizzled "Binding Blade" look.

...man, that beard...

12. Princess Daisy (Super Mario Land): She's in basically every Mario game that has a selectable cast (Mario Party, Mario Kart, the Mario Sports games) and she's the one holdout from the ancient (and easily forgotten) Mario Land for the old Gameboy. So yeah, I think she should be on the roster. I definitely think she deserves it more than Rosalina (not that I think Rosalina is a bad choice...hell, I love the idea of a trifecta of princesses in the game, Daisy just has senority). I think Nintendo's been beating around the bush with Daisy for too long. They keep almost giving her a personality and making her more than just a color-swapped version of Peach. She seems to be a bit of a hothead and a tomboy, so cut her hair, put her in an adorable ensemble, give her some flowery attacks and let's make this goddamn thing happen, Nintendo. She's been in over FORTY GAMES. And Luigi needs his girl.

11. Wonder Red (Wonderful 101): Play this game. Yes, I know you haven't played this game. You should play this game. It's called Wonderful 101. It's very hard and the control scheme is quirky. Play it anyways.

I don't know what Platinum Games' relationship with Nintendo is, if it's close enough that they could claim the characters as "theirs" like they can with Pokemon (and to a certain degree Sonic), but since Wonderful 101 is a Wii U exclusive, that's good enough to include at least ONE character on the roster of a Smash Brothers game. Wonder Red is basically a Power Ranger. He summons hundreds of dudes to create giant fists. This needs to be a goddamn thing. You could even include three other Wonderful Ones for the rest of his moveset, one could call out Wonder Blue and create a giant sword, one could call out Wonder Green and create a giant gun, and the other could call out Wonder Pink or Yellow for a whip or a hammer. Maybe it would create a weapon that fundamentally changed their regular attacks, I don't know. I just know that this should be a thing that exists.

Seriously, play this game.

10. Amy Rose (Sonic CD): Yeah, everyone hates her. She's annoying as hell. But like I said before, Sonic is basically a Nintendo franchise now, and every represented Nintendo franchise should have a protagonist (Sonic), an antagonist (Eggman), and a love interest. Ok, so technically Amy is a love interest to Sonic in the same way that John Hinckley was a love interest to Jody Foster, but she's all he's got (except for the creepy-ass times he chased after pre-pubescent girls...).

Amy's been in a ton of games to date, more than just the recent ones where Sonic Team seemed to push the boundaries of what we would consider responsible roster growth, starting with Sonic CD (I believe) and she's basically a mainstay of the current Sonic roster as it appears in all of the Sonic/Mario crossovers. Besides, she uses a giant hammer. Tell me that wouldn't be amazing to play.

9. Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog 2): Sonic's sidekick definitely deserves to be in a SSB game. You could even use the more modern, super genius inventor Tails, give him a bunch of gadgets, let him fly around with his tails, and bam. You have a character on your hands. Not much more needs to be said.

8. Grovyle (Pokemon Generation III): It occurred to me as I saw the newest trailer for Charizard and Greninja's addition to the SSB roster that they had included two different starters from two different Pokemon generations, one fire and one water.

A plant starter from another generation altogether would be a natural next step. I'm surprised Nintendo didn't think about it and I would be surprised if it's not announced yet before the new games come out (though I doubt it will be since Charizard and Greninja were announced together).

Naturally there're a number of "possibles" for a plant starter, some very interesting possibilities even for having another non-humanoid entry to the roster, but Grovyle seems to be the most obvious one. He's humanoid and seems light, agile, and his visual design lends itself well to a fighting game (and to some slick attacks). It has the signature move Leaf Blade, which seems like it'd be pretty slick in a Smash Brothers game.

Seems obvious to me.

7. Mii (Nintendo Wii): Ok, so maybe this one's a bit silly, but with the Wii Fit trainer paving the way for some frankly-silly entries to the roster, why not have a Mii on the roster? When you select it, you select one of your Miis and bam, you're inserted in the game. It could have its own moveset regardless of which Mii you picked...but maybe you could customize it with some neat minigames, pick from a bunch of different moves (maybe even choose from other fighter's moves to create your own custom moveset) and train them up in a separate game mode. The Mii is a distinctly Nintendo creation and has become iconic of Nintendo's consoles since the Wii, so why not?

6. Skull Kid (Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask): I should be a little sick of saying this, but I haven't played Majora's Mask. I almost finished Ocarina of Time, but...ok, I'm going to get a lot of flack for this, but I just didn't enjoy Ocarina of Time, ok? So naturally I have little interest in playing the direct sequel. Make me a direct sequel to Wind Waker and I'll be all over that.

...wait, never mind.

Anyways, it occurs to me that there is actually a reason that there is always an alternate Link included in each game and that Sheik and Zelda are now separate characters. The Legend of Zelda is an iconic Nintendo franchise, as much (if not more) than Metroid, perhaps even as much as Mario. But I am hard pressed to think of any iconic characters from this series with the exception of Link, Zelda, and Ganon. So I can imagine what's going on over at Nintendo as they design this roster and lament the lack of characters from this franchise in it.

Now, I don't think this is necessarily a problem. In fact, it's kind of a strength of the series that the cast is this tight. But I suppose when up against the Mario cast of a billion and eight, it does seem a bit sparse. But that still doesn't justify splitting one character into multiple spots. I think you just need to look a little harder. Skull kid seems to be an obvious choice. I don't know anything about the guy, so I can't really suggest a moveset, but it seems like a no-brainer for an underrepresented franchise. He's unique in that he's a villain that isn't Ganon, so make it happen.

(to be clear here, I'm specifically referring to the Skull Kid who steals Majora's Mask here, naturally).

5. King K. Rool (Donkey Kong Country): Again, we have Donkey Kong, his games are part of the canon, so we really do need an antagonist from the series to be represented (and arguably we should have had him before Diddy Kong, though I suppose he overlaps a bit with Bowser, though I can't say that with any authority since, again, I don't play the DK games). He seems like another entry in the heavy, bruiser category of fighters. I could read up on him and suggest a moveset, but I shouldn't have to, he should already be implemented by someone who KNOWS what his moveset should be...

4. Robotnik (a.k.a ...sigh...Eggman)(Sonic the Hedgehog): As I mentioned before, Sonic is basically a Nintendo franchise now, so I see the inclusion of more characters from his lineup as an absolute necessity and every represented Nintendo game should have at the bare minimum a protagonist and an antagonist (and a love-interest when explicable...see Amy above), and Sonic already has a pretty iconic antagonist in Robotnik (a.k.a. Eggman...because Sonic Team keeps trying to remind us that he was Eggman in the Japanese versions of the game). Sonic's answer to Bowser, Eggman absolutely needs to be in SSB. While on the surface he seems like a hard-sell, a rolly-polly dude with noodle arms and legs, you could easily work in his multitudes of boss battle vehicles from a series that has been going on for over 20 years, from his iconic egg capsule...thing...to some of the more obscure ones from later games. Make every one of his special moves summon a different vehicle and give each vehicle (once it's been summoned) have a different moveset. Bam, you have a complex, nuanced character.

3. Mewtwo (Pokemon Generation I): Do I even need to say anything here? He was an all-star addition in Smash Brothers Melee as well as an iconic Pokemon. I think he and Lucario have a perfect right to exist side-by-side, and he's a fan favorite. Give him a Final Smash that lets him choose between one of his two mega forms, make him a bit more ranged-oriented in his natural form (so he and Lucario don't step on each other's toes) and you have yourself a game.

Why do I even need to argue this point?

2. Super Metroid (Super Metroid): Again, Metroid is hugely underrepresented, but while the Super Metroid may seem like a weird choice, the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of having a really bizarrely shaped fighter included in the game. It would provide a great bit of variety to the roster (there aren't really any non-humanoid fighters with the exception of Pikachu and maybe Yoshi, I suppose, and even he's got two legs and two arms). Imagine fighting against a giant jellyfish that could latch onto you and zap you, maybe even temporarily control your character, slapping bitches with his tentacles, etc, etc. Storywise, the Super Metroid pretty much shaped Samus' whole personality, defined her as a character in many ways. Other M's terrible writing aside, it did sort of drive home how very influential the little baby Metroid's life (and death SPOILER ALERT) was on her as a character. So I think from a franchise standpoint and a gameplay standpoint, Super Metroid would have been an amazing addition to the roster.

1. Ridley (Metroid): Ok, so Ridley is basically my first and foremost character to be included in this series. Yeah, a lot of people say he's too big or whatever, but to quote a friend of mine, "since when has scale ever meant anything in a Nintendo game?" I know I mentioned that Kraid's size basically disqualifies him as a potential character despite how iconic he is, but I feel like Ridley's size is a bit more negotiable as it's not quite as integral to the character that he be three screens tall like Kraid is. Anyways, I love that he was a boss in SSBB, but I think relegating one of the most iconic and badass villains not only in a Nintendo game but in any video game ever to a single stage gimmick is just disappointing. I suppose if he becomes a repeatable stage hazard, something you see in a lot of games, then I could be placated. But honestly, the fact that he isn't playable is frankly a crime. Metroid is already hugely underrepresented for how popular it is, and Ridley is such a brilliant character, from his visual design to his mere concept (HE'S A FRIGGEN SPACE DRAGON), that his continued omission from the roster should be some kind of try-able offense. Preferably at the Hague.

Get him in there, Nintendo.

So there you have it. Seven hours of work and a 50-character roster. Of course I missed some characters. There are some franchises that, while not Nintendo-owned, probably could fit into a Smash Brothers game. Mega Man in particular could have more representation in the form of Proto Man, Roll, and Dr. Wily (as well as some of the more iconic robot masters like Custman, Gutsman, and Metal Man), but as I said before, Mega Man's existence in the roster is basically as an Easter Egg, a shout out to a related but not directly-owned franchise. To include his entire roster would cheapen the idea that Smash Brothers is a Nintendo crossover franchise. Plenty of games are (or were) Nintendo exclusive, but few as prolific as Mega Man (or arguably Castlevania or Final Fantasy). Anything less probably doesn't deserve to be in the roster (though the idea of putting, for instance, Chrono in there fills me with giddy delight...especially considering the fact that Squenix doesn't seem interested in using him in their own crossover, Kingdom Hearts...*$@*(#$^()@#&$!). There are also plenty of Nintendo-only characters that probably deserve mention but not inclusion. Quite a bit of the Donkey Kong cast (Tiny Kong and Funky Kong, I'm looking at you), the bounty hunters from Metroid Prime Hunters and Metroid Prime 3, most of the frankly-stupidly large cast of the Sonic the Hedgehog games (PLEASE STOP, SONIC TEAM), etc. Hell, Mario has a lot of characters that could be worked in (Mouser, Birdo, Wart, King Boo, the Koopa Kids), but...well, ultimately there's only a finite number of spaces. So as much as I would like to include hundreds and hundreds of characters, fifty is probably more than enough (hell, it's closer to 100 with the already-included cast).

Anyways, that's my list and I'm sticking to it. If you have any thoughts or additions, feel free to let me know.

Trending downward

I do not like the current trends in gaming. I remember a time when we paid for a game and that game was ours. We could do whatever we wanted with it, had access to all parts of it, and never had to worry about things being added, blocked off, or expanded upon.

I know this is making me sound a bit like an old fuddy-duddy, and I probably am, but as I sit here playing Tiny Village (one of the few examples of micro-transaction games that I feel does what it does in a more or less inoffensive way), it has struck me just how much games have changed. I'm not one of those people that demands nothing ever change, but I definitely am one of those people that is concerned that things are changing for the worse.

These days, it seems like every game is hiding half of its content behind a price tag. Between MMOs requiring a monthly fee (admittedly, this is a dying trend, which I can't say I'll miss), free-to-play games having micro-transactions, Facebook games requiring you to spend money on in-game currency, and the overabundance of DLC and expansion packs that have been coming out for every single game, I'm concerned that game developers are losing what it means to make a full, complete, stand-alone title that requires nothing out of the box...if it even /has/ a box.

Now, I'm not going to say there's no place for the Zyngas and Popcaps and MMOs of the world, but I am going to say this: there are far too many of them, and it's troubling. I know free to play games make serious, /serious/ bank, but--and maybe I'm starting to sound like a long-haired artsy hippy type--I feel like gaming needs to be something more. When Zynga hides 90% of its game behind micro-transactions, I feel like I'd almost rather pay $10 up front and have access to most of the game from there, and if developers hope, as I do, that gaming can really come into its own as an art form, eventually they are going to have to think about more than just making money. I mean, they can't continue to do what they do without making money, of course, but there has to be a line...

A good example of this is a game called Pixel Mall. This free Android app is a fun little clicky time-waster in which you drag your piggy mall owner from shop to shop, helping customers and checking them out (not like that, you pervert). The point is to get them in and out as quickly as possible in order to build up customer appreciation and level up your mall...and, of course, earn money. The money you earn in the game can be used to purchase more shops, level up your mall owner, and buy other upgrades that generally make your job a lot easier and allow you to keep up with the ever-increasing work load as customers stream in like mad. One thing that is available for purchase in this game is additional helpers, adorable little characters that apparently can perform the same tasks as your piggy mall owner. I say apparently because I cannot buy any of them...all but one are only available if you spend real money on it. The last one is available for in-game money, but he is quite expensive to purchase and getting enough money to purchase him is difficult without having additional help. And let me be clear: you need additional help in this game. You /will/ hit a wall that makes the game all but impossible without spending your real money on this virtual game and I find myself wishing I could just buy the game for $10-$15 and have everything unlocked from the start.

Now, I know that this is a good way for game designers, especially untested newcomers, to make money, but it seems like every new game that comes out is hiding most of itself behind these micro transactions to the point that I cannot even try and play any of these games because I simply do not have the money (I'm spending it on League of Legends, natch). And this, boys and girls, is where we're going to run into trouble...only the heavy hitters, the Zyngas, are going to make any money on this model...because people are going to keep sinking money into the games they already play. Eventually, no matter how good a micro-transaction game is, it's going to fall flat because people just don't have the money to spend on it.

Another example of this trend is the over-abundance of MMOs on the market today. I know I've hashed out this topic already in this blog, but I have to touch on it again because I just heard that the new Neverwinter Nights IS GOING TO BE A GODDAMNED MMO. This is /hugely/ disappointing to me because I'm starting to see 90% of the major RPG releases in any given year being MMOs...and then dying out slowly and painfully because they can't compete and they're just plain poorly designed. I know MMOs make tons of money, particularly the gammut of free to play ones that are being made or just converting over, but that's only if they actually become popular. Ask the makers of Warhammer Online, Aion, Rift, and Age of Conan how much they wish they'd just made a single-player RPG and sold it for $60 now...if you can find them in the wellfare line.

(as a note: yes, I know they probably turned a bit of a profit on half of these as they went free to play, but I can't imagine it's more than they would have made if they'd just made a simple single-player RPG). MMOs make a lot of money, but they're also HUGELY expensive to produce. Making a single-player RPG would likely be cheaper, so I have to believe the profit margin would be considerably higher if it was a good game.

And what of the fabled non-massively multiplayer RPGs (I really should come up with a phrase for this...minorly multiplayer RPGs maybe)? The games where you can connect with one or two friends and romp through a huge, Skyrimian world together completing quests and experiencing an epic plot? That's right, there aren't any. In fact, there are very few multiplayer games on the market these days that aren't massively multiplayer or some kind of deathmatch shooter. You can't tell me Skyrim wouldn't have even more appeal if you could join your friends, even if you were just following them around and enjoying their plot with them, even if your character was an utterly insignificant hanger-on.

I have a bit more of a love-hate relationship with DLC, downloadable content, and expansion packs. I love the concept, of course. I love the idea that game developers can continue to add more and more to a game. After all, eventually you have to call a game done and ship it off...and while, yes I like my stories to have endings, it's usually fun to add more to it, more stories to tell, more places to visit, more characters to interact with. However, I have begun to notice DLC acting more and more like a crutch than a tool. Take a look at Fable 2. This was a game that was billed to be a gigantic, immersive sandbox in which the sky was the limit and anything was possible. What we got was a bland, characterless experience that you could finish in a weekend of casual play. This was a clear example of a game that was not finished. A game that /needed/ DLC to be the full game it was intended to be. This is a problem. I don't want game developers to get into the mentality that DLC can allow them to ship out an incomplete game (with the caveat that this is fine if and when they start charging less for said incomplete games) because DLC costs money...yet another example of parts of games (that you have already spent money on) being hidden behind a price tag. This was even worse in Fable 2 when you realize that the DLC added /nothing/ to the game. It was all insipid and vapid foolishness that added /nothing/ to the plot except lame jokes and uninteresting (and, more importantly, unrelated) side stories. This was especially troubling when the game ended on such a massive cliffhanger that it made the whole thing feel like half of a story. This is the exact wrong way for DLC to be handled, but I get the feeling more and more than bad developers are relying on it to allow them to ship out incomplete games and bilk people out of more money...and when other developers see that this works, they're going to have a hard time not following suit.

I never thought I would be old enough to say this, but I miss the good old days. The days when games came in a box and not in the internet in overly expensive chunks. I want to go back to a day when it was considered the norm to just give us a complete game right from the start. Maybe money is the problem, maybe game developers are seeing how much money they can bilk from us and foaming at the mouth in anticipation. Maybe they're lazy, realizing just how much they can procrastinate on in the production of a game. Or maybe it's just the way the market's going. Whatever the case is, I see it as a troubling road to travel down.