So I've been watching Young Justice lately. Like most of my blogs, I feel like I should start with this: I LOVE YOUNG JUSTICE. It is not perfect, of course. Some of the episodes are a bit contrived and the characters act somewhat inconsistently at times, but by and large, it is an amazing and excellent homage to the characters and indeed the DC universe as a whole. It taps into a vastly unused character set and puts an interesting spin on many of the characters. However, I do have one thing about the show that bothers me, namely the character of Kaldur'am, aka Aqualad.

Yet another qualification and ass-covering statement: I actually like Kaldur'am. He's a well realized character with depth and personality all his own. He's a fairly untapped commodity, the sort of...hyper loyal, soft-spoken, gentle soul that comic books and comic book-related television shows do not generally utilize. He fades somewhat into the background, but that adds to his mystique because he's genuinely interesting despite it. And the fact that the writers made him the leader of the team over the obvious choice (Robin) and the manner in which they did so adds yet more to his appeal. No, I genuinely like the character, but I have one problem with him. He's black.

OMG REID IS RACIST! Yeah, yeah, get it out of your system. I am in full agreement with the general consensus that comic books (indeed, much popular media) needs more strong black characters. In many ways, Kaldur'am is actually almost what this dilemma needs...but his very existance, in many other ways, is an afront to this problem. Here's the problem. Aqualad is an established character: Garth (he has no last name). Anyone who has watched Young Justice knows Garth because he appeared in an episode, which was an interesting one, to be sure, considering who Garth really is. And this is why we have problems. Dick Grayson is still Robin in Young Justice. Connor is still Superboy. Wally West is still kid flash. Roy Harper is still Speedy. But Garth is not Aqualad. No, Kaldur'am is Aqualad. And he's black.

I am not a racist. I am not a racist. I am not a racist. Yes, I said I have a problem with Kaldur'am because he's black, but I was mostly saying that for shock value. Again, Kaldur'am is an amazing character and a worthy Aqualad. But the fact that they switched Garth out, when no other character had been switched out, and reimagined Aqualad is suspicious enough...the fact that they made him black positively screams "token racial diversity."

"But Reid, how can any diversity be such a bad thing?" you may ask. To which I reply, "stop interrupting me with your stupid questions!"

Diversity is not bad perse, but diversity for diversity's sake is certainly counterproductive. Take a look at what I consider to be a fine example of a black superhero: Static. Static had a rather fun run on Kids WB for many years, and even showed up in the then-horrible Teen Titans comic book...one of the high points of many, many months of horror for the Titans. Let's compare Virgil Hawkins to Kaldur'am.

Virgil was, in many ways, stereotypical. He was middle class, he talked in constant slang, listened to hip hop music, had his hair done up in dreads, and faced a great deal of racially-charged issues during his life, from his friend's racist father to the constant threats of gang violence. Kaldur'am is the charge of Aquaman, King of Atlantis. He is a dutiful servant and ward (a sort of squire) to his king. He is a warrior through and through. Now, there is the obvious difference than Kaldur'am lives in the fantasy world of Atlantis, which is a much different sitting than the Detroit-esque city of Dakota, but this is actually the biggest problem I have with Kaldur'am. He's not African American. He's not even African. He's Atlantean...and there is no realistic reason for him to be black.

Now, let me give some necessary credit to WB/DC. They resisted the urge to make Dick Grayson or Wally West (or...ugh...Connor, who is supposed to be a CLONE of Superman) black in order to compensate for the discrepancy in race. Teen Titans' original comic book run was in the '60's. Racial diversity was not a concern of writers then. In fact, WB resisted even the urge to change ANY of the characters. Garth, the "real" Aqualad, is still around and he's still white. So, really, they chose the best possible character to be the "token black hero" on the team...but a "token black character" he is...largely because there is absolutely no way he could be black. Kaldur'am is Atlantean. Why is he black at all? Last time I checked, Atlanteans were white in the DC universe...and, realistically, there would be no possible way for any of them to have enough melanin in their skin to BE black. Virgil Hawkins' family is from Ghana. He is black, no question, and while the argument could be made that he was made black simply to add another black hero to DC's minuscule stable of black heroes, I have absolutely no issues with it. He's an original character, they have every right to make him whatever race they feel fits him. The fact that Kaldur'am is black flaunts REALITY so, besides being something that requires pretty substantial suspension of disbelief, it only cements the fact that he is black for no other reason than they needed a black hero...and that is the exact wrong reason to make the character black.

The other issue is Kaldur'am's personality. Virgil Hawkins often met with situations that arose simply because he was black. His personality was realized while keeping in mind that he was raised in an urban black community. Nothing about Kaldur'am's personality suggests that he was raised anywhere near a black community (when, in fact, he was not...he was raised in Atlantis). He's who he is, with absolutely no inkling towards race. He could be black or white. Hell, he could have been Asian. Or Martian. His "race" (black, not Atlantean) is utterly superfluous.

I'm rambling at this point, so I feel like I should wrap things up by reiterating a few points, firstly that I do like Kaldur'am as a character. The issue isn't that I don't like him. It's not even that he replaced Garth as Aqualad. The issue is that they made him black not only for no reason, but in complete defiance of realism and plausibility. They made him black when the fact that he is black has absolutely nothing to do with his character, simply because they had on their hands a blank slate and decided that the show needed some racial diversity. Of course, the argument could be made that a black character does not need to scream "black." Dick Grayson and Wally West easily could be black because little of their personality screams white. But that does not excuse the replacement of a pre-existing white character with a black one simply for diversity's sake (ESPECIALLY when you consider that they had at least two perfectly good options: Static and Cyborg, the latter of whom is one of the strongest black characters in DC's stable).

Reid's Picks: Top Ten Games

I'm a gamer. Well duh, Reid! All you ever write about is games (and occasionally music). But the funny thing about being a gamer is that, as a gamer, I'm vastly different from every other gamer in existence. Just like music, video games are a matter of taste and preference. Some people like sports games, some people like first person shooters, some people like roleplaying games. Some people like games with epic storylines, some people like games where you can customize your character to look like yourself (or a giant walking penis), some people like games with funny dialogue. With such a broad array of gaming tastes, we all have different games that we consider "good" and "bad." Now, I'm not talking about tastes based on unbiased and unambiguous qualities. I think we can all agree that the Lord of the Rings is a more significant cinematic experience than Dumb and Dumber (which isn't to say that some people don't like Dumb and Dumber, perhaps even more than Lord of the Rings), but our preferences make our gaming experiences different to us than they would be to other people.

And of course I only bothered writing the bull-shitty tripe up above because I feel like I should pad this blog out ad nauseum. Largely because I haven't written for months.

In any case, I was discussing video games with a friend from work. I've recently been moved to electronics at WalMart, which is nice because I finally know something about the things I'm supposed to sell, not to mention the fact that I can relate with the people I work with and indeed may even be able to call them friends, unlike the more casual acquaintances with whom I shared nothing in common back in the garden center. As such, I spend a lot of time discussing video games with new people who I don't have a lot of familiarity with yet. And, of course, whenever two unfamiliar nerds get together, they must introduce themselves by stating what their top video games are. As such, it got me thinking that I wanted to make a list of my favorites, perhaps my top 10. And if I'm wasting my time with such an endeavor, I suppose it would be prudent to post it to that blog thing that I never update.

So, in keeping with my Reid's Picks music list on Facebook, I will call my top 10 video game favorites "Reid's Picks" as well. So, without further ado (what a cliché...), here are my Reid's Picks top 10 video games!

10. Star Ocean: The Second Story

I don't remember everything about this game since it's been over 10 years since I played it, but this is a game from an era when Japanese Roleplaying Games weren't so bogged down in convoluted writing and linearity so as to completely ruin the experience. Star Ocean: The Second Story had a number of things going for it in my opinion. The graphics were impressive for the time, with a beautiful cartoony style that really fit with the feel of the game, the mechanics were decent, and I loved the skill system, which included an unobtrusive and entirely optional crafting system (the best kind, in my opinion). The best thing it had however (again, entirely in my opinion) was the 80+ endings and the fact that you could not get every single playable character in one run through. Later games did this only minimally (Final Fantasy VII had two "hidden" characters, both of which were so laughably easy to get that they might as well have been forced on you anyways, and later Star Ocean games, specifically Star Ocean: Till the End of Time had a "one or the other" choice that, while not horrible, simply failed to compare to Star Ocean: The Second Story). You may be saying "but Reid, how can a game be good by DENYING you things?" Well, way back in the day, games weren't 150% forgiving. They weren't afraid to shut the door in your face. While this could be frustrating if you found a character you loved and they couldn't join you, it still added a richness, a realism to the game that I find lacking in games nowadays. It also gave the game world a feeling of consequence. Your choices meant something. In a game like Final Fantasy XIII, nothing you do matters because the entire game (even beyond simply the physical surroundings you found yourself in) was a corridor. You just went through a linear line of events without any sort of reaction from the story itself. In Star Ocean: The Second Story, if you decided to help person A, person B would (or wouldn't) join you later because they were childhood friends (or couldn't stand) person A.

Rule number 1 in Reid's book of video game must-haves: choice.

9. Saints Row 2

Saints Row 2. Now, a lot of you might think less of me for even listing this game in my top 10, but hear me out. Yes, this is one of those cathartic video game experiences where you drive around real fast killing police officers and pedestrians. And, while this is fun, it certainly seems, on the surface, to keep it from becoming truly great. However, if you follow the story of Saints Row 2 through its twists and turns, you begin to find a rather deep and meaningful plot hidden somewhere under the surface of banality and silliness. I'm going to get bludgeoned to death for even suggesting this, but the ending of the game is even a bit reminiscent of the Godfather films, when the main character comes face to face with the person who betrayed them in the first game and is told that his (or her) appetite for power and wealth is insatiable. "Where will it end?" the game seems to ask. It was a poignant scene and well delivered.

And then THQ throws it all away to make Saints Row 3, a game where you can beat someone to death with a giant dildo. Sigh.

Saints Row 3 was fun, I won't deny that. Even more fun than Saints Row 2. But it gave up too much that made Saints Row 2 great. Saints Row 2 had a silly facade where you would be doing drive-bys and killing rival gang members by the hundreds one minute and spraying high-priced real estate with sewage from the back of a septic truck the next. But beneath it all there was a darkness, a poignancy (that seems to be the word of the day) that seemed to hint that, though things were paying off for the bad-guy-good-guy in the short term, it would all come tumbling apart for him/her eventually as his/her appetite would eventually become all-consuming and he/she would be smothered by his/her desires. This was good storytelling. And the boss his/herself was a facinating character--again, in much the same way that Michael Corleone was in the Godfather movies. Horrible on a level of horrible that you could scarcely imagine existing in the real world, "The Boss" spent the game swapping tattoo ink with nuclear waste, crippling people affiliated with rival gangs, and stuffing rival gang leaders' girlfriends in the backs of cars (that were then crushed by that ignorant gang leader in a monster truck rally). THQ threw this all away for Saints Row 3 in lieu of a Michael-Bayesque plot filled with silliness and explosions with none of the depth or darkness of its predecessor. To say I was disappointed is an understatement, especially since the third installment of the series tightened up the gameplay to near perfection, removing the ONLY complaint I had about Saints Row 2 (it didn't play very fluidly).

Of course, all of my praise for Saints Row 2 is lumped on top of one of the most ludicrously over-the-top character customization systems I've ever seen in a video game (and it wasn't even a roleplaying game), which is another one of my "buttons" and another thing that Saints Row 3 pared down on, sadly. Its successor's failings aside, Saints Row 2 is an amazing experience that I feel belongs on any list of top games. I feel like THQ really missed the boat on Saints Row 3 when they tightened up the gameplay but left the depth of the plot that intermingled perfectly with the goofy, over-the-top action behind.

8. Diablo 2

I can only wonder if Diablo 3 will match the sheer addictive quality of Diablo 2. This is a game that I played the hell out of. It was the first of its kind, that sort of randomized dungeon crawl loot grab game (well, Diablo 1 was) and it has, so far, done it the best. Hands down. The addictive quality of always knowing there is something amazing, something great out there to use against the legions of the Burning Hells cannot be overlooked. The writing and plot always seemed to take a back seat to everything else in these games. They weren't bad, they just didn't stand out to me at the time, so I have to call them forgettable (because I literally forgot the nuances of the writing and plot over time). It is still one of those games that I consider going back to on those boring, lonely nights when I have nothing better to do.

7. Minecraft

Ok, so, Minecraft. It's one of those absolutely prolific games that, despite its overall simplicity (dig and build), has exploded into something bigger than God. I love Minecraft...but I am not a junkie for it like some people are. I do find that, when I play it under the right conditions, it devours my soul like few other games before it, but I find its sandbox approach to construction to be somewhat limiting on how much I can possibly enjoy it. Not like my sixth pick, Terraria (see below). The sheer depth and breadth of what you can do in Minecraft is staggering, but beyond the building, there's not much to it. And even the building is almost limited to simply structural things. Until more "flavor" items are added, I just don't feel like my 7 mile-high castle in the sky is truly mine.

6. Terraria

I know, I just know I will catch hell for this, but I can't deny that I enjoy Terraria more as a game than Minecraft. Minecraft is, by far, the deeper experience. But as far as games go, Terraria is just flat out more enjoyable to me. I actually enjoy the building a bit more in Terraria though, even though it's 2D. I feel like you can personalize your house a bit better than Minecraft, with a great deal more "flavor" items that make it feel a little more...homey. The very depth and breadth of what you can make in Minecraft is staggering. But, as I said before, its sandboxy approach to it kind of limits its enjoyment as a game to me. Terraria's developers were wise to make their game a platformer first and building simulator second.

That being said, I hate comparing the two games. They're both amazing entries into the annals (teehee) of gaming history. They are not the same game, with one in 3D the other in 2D platformer style. They both have their strengths and their weaknesses. I just happened to enjoy Terraria marginally more.

5. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Exploration. That was the name of the game in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Under the veneer of a fair plot with some interesting if not award-winning plot is a positively massive setting with more nooks than WalMart (get it? Barnes and Noble Nook? Hahahah) and more crannies than the Crayola factory (God damn I am so clever). I remember spending many, many, many hours digging through this game, searching for every object, every weapon, every item that there was to find. I remember after my friend and I had beaten the game, we, even then, realized we hadn't found everything and spent even more time filling in that 100% completion rating (I doubt we ever even got there). The gameplay itself was solid too. As Benjamin "Yahtzee" Croshaw said, it faithfully stuck to a 2D gameplay style in lieu of switching to 3D, which was becoming popular at the time, and in doing so, it was able to maintain a tight artistic style as well as a massive game world that wouldn't have been possible in 3D (at the time).

I don't mean to write off the story either. I've never been a huge Castlevania fan, but I fondly remember playing Castlevania III back in the good old days (a game to which there was a shout-out in Symphony of the Night that made me squee with nostalgia) and even a bit of Castlevanias I and II. The story in all of these games is good. Not great. The writing in Symphony of the Night just misses great, I feel, with some over-the-top performances by the voice actors that somehow fits just right with the gothic setting ("What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!"). Alucard was a vampire (half vampire even) before being a vampire was edgy and cool (and sparkly). His rather tragic past is compelling in a way that Stephenie Meyer couldn't even dream of accomplishing.

Symphony of the Night is an amazing experience, and I suggest everyone who has an XBox 360 checks it out on XBLA now.

4. Portal (1 and 2)

Gameplay-wise, Portal was clever but nothing unique. It's a puzzle game where your main character wanders through various "test chambers" with a gun that shoots portals. You use these portals to guide your character through the chambers and solve each test in turn. Pretty simple, really, and nothing to write home about. It's clever, but by itself, nothing special. But you pair this up with, hands down, the best humor writing out of any game ever and a surprisingly great plot for such a simplistic experience and you have one of the greatest games ever made. I lump Portal 1 and 2 together here for, while Portal 1 was a solid experience that set the stage for Portal 2, they are, essentially, the same game. I still have my doubts about the necessity of Portal 2's existence (I think Portal 1 was a solid experience that did not and still does not need a sequel), Valve did alright in convincing me that it was not completely superfluous and has merits all its own, not the least of which being its own superb writing and twisty plot.

Valve showed the power of writing with these games. As I said before, the gameplay itself, taken by itself, wouldn't make much of a game. It would be a fun little experience, but ultimately empty and forgettable. But with the addition of its own unique canon, as well as HANDS DOWN THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME VILLAIN EVER CREATED (I may write a blog about why I feel this way someday), Portal is and will remain a timeless classic.

3. Final Fantasy VI

JRPGs didn't used to be linear extravaganzas of high production value graphics painting over a cracked and worn foundation of muddy writing, convoluted plots, and linear gameplay with no sense of choice and consequence. Back in the day, JRPGs used to be solid gaming experiences. I largely blame the Final Fantasy franchise largely for this shift into mediocrity since I see Final Fantasy VII as the beginning of their downfall. However, I also count Final Fantasy VI as one of the best entries into the genre (if JRPG by itself can be a genre). Why is this? I don't know. It has an intangible quality about it. The story, while possessed of a minor undercurrent of some of the things that would bog down its successors, was engaging on a level that no other Final Fantasy game could hope to engage me (not even the ones that came before FFVI, which were all also amazing games). The characters were solid and well-rounded, they interacted with one another in amusing and real ways, and the world felt huge. There was plenty to do and plenty to discover, secrets to find, amazing weapons and items to plunder and exploit in battle (I still remember some of the retarded combinations of accessories and weapons that you could use to finish some of the hardest battles in the game in one round of combat). Final Fantasy VI is simply the best entry into the Final Fantasy series ever, and given the current trend I see Squenix following, I doubt that will ever change.

What happened to you, Squenix? :-(

2. Chrono Trigger

What was it about this game? Only a few JRPGs make it onto this list, largely because I feel like a roleplaying game should have some modicum of personal choice and personalization. Neither Star Ocean: The Second Story nor Final Fantasy VI nor Chrono Trigger have character customization and, in general, the major events of the game were not influenced by your choices in any of these games (though they did feel like they were at some points through a combination of amazing writing and well-conceived set pieces). I honestly can't put my finger on why Chrono Trigger is so amazing. Of course it has amazing writing, amazing characters, amazing music, amazing art, etc, etc, but plenty of games have these things (not so many these days, I feel). Perhaps all of these JRPGs get a free ride on the nostalgia train. But whatever the case may be, I remember all three of them engaging me on a level that no other game before them and no other game after them has (with the exception of the games on this list, of course). Chrono Trigger had a unique plot (for the time) involving time travel in a pseudo fantasy setting with a bizarre but ultimately fulfilling mix of steam-punkesque technology and magic. There was nothing about this game that let me down, not back then, and not today when I play its ports on my Nintendo DS.

1. Bastion

Bastion is just...one of those experiences. The game isn't perfect, but every individual part is so gorgeous, so spit-polished, so amazing that the experience, even just as a sum of its parts, is one of the greatest of all time. And I believe that the game is better than the sum of its parts. The gameplay is solid, the voice acting and narration are top notch, the writing is superb, and the music is some other adjective that I don't have the time or wherewithall to think up. The story kept dragging me back in a way that few stories in the history of gaming have and layer all that on top of a foundation of stylistic art that is some of the most gorgeous I have seen in a game (especially a game under $20) and you have, in my opinion, one of the best, if not the best, games of all time.

Honorable Mentions

Obviously there are games that just couldn't make the list. Ten spots just isn't enough to list all the games I've enjoyed over the years, so here are a few more just to make myself feel a bit better for not leaving some out.

Pokémon

No, it's not a typo. I refuse to pick a "generation" because Nintendo's been making the same damn game for over a decade. Still, while I won't even pretend Pokémon is artistic or even a meaningful experience, I've played the game for most of my life, child or adult, written fanfictions about it, roleplayed it, watched the cartoons, watched the movies, and otherwise had it on my mind for the better part of a decade (...almost two at this point). I would be remiss if I left it out of this list. While it has very little of what I value in a game (writing, story, character customization, etc), the sheer amount of choice you have in constructing your team of Pokémon, choosing their skills, and what have you, makes this series still one of my favorite in gaming history.

That being said, I believe Nintendo is really missing the boat with Pokémon...largely simply by being Nintendo. Good old Nintendo. Afraid of change. If they would innovate with this series, do something different from the norm, then I feel like this series could really explode and stand the test of time. I already feel like it's slipping away, falling out of favor. But I suppose after nearly two decades, it is to be expected and is no surprise. But still, I feel like this series could be so much more...but that is, perhaps, a story for another blog.

The Sims 2

Not the Sims 3, though the Sims 3 added quite a bit to the experience. I just feel like, even after a comparable amount of expansion packs, the Sims 2 was much more complete and successful at what it was trying to be: a life simulator. The Sims 3 had some good ideas, but I feel like Maxis/EA were trying to reel in people who weren't necessarily in The Sims' usual demographics with things like World Adventures. But really, the Sims 2 kind of hit my sweet spot of choice and customization and I loved it for many, many years. That love dropped off a bit with the Sims 3, which was buggy and dropped out a lot of things I really enjoyed until much later expansions than I felt was necessary, but I still played the heck out of the Sims 3. The real problem isn't the game. It's EA.

EA is the devil. I don't say this lightly, but they are. They have really, really screwed the pooch on their policies, particularly involving DRM. DRM doesn't work, EA. People are still pirating your products and all it does is piss off people that actually sunk money into it. I haven't been burned TOO bad by EA in the past, but I feel like if a company does things I don't approve of, it's my duty to stop giving them my money. I put up with a lot of shit from them, especially their business practices (releasing copious amounts of expansion packs and opening up the Sims store for things they used to give us for free being two of the biggest things), but I feel like I've finally had the last straw.

Still, I did enjoy the games at one time. They were enjoyable and I would be remiss if I didn't put them in the honorable mentions at least.

Dwarf Fortress

The decision to leave Dwarf Fortress out of the top 10 was a difficult one. For those of you who don't know, Dwarf Fortress is a nearly impregnable indie game about dwarves. And a fortress. You don't command the dwarves so much as give them helpful suggestions and watch them scurry about trying to do what you ask (though sometimes it's difficult as they get caught up with silly little things like the need to eat and drink and sleep...lazy layabouts that they are). The game itself is positively labyrinthine with a depth that Minecraft could only dream of and I think I could possibly be swayed into loving this game even more than Minecraft and Terraria combined. Sadly, it is hampered by a positively horrendous UI, the development and improvement of which has taken a backseat to other things with the programmers. Right or wrong, this really limits my enjoyment of the game. I have still logged many, many hours into the game (though I haven't played it lately) and suggest that anyone with time to kill and a willingness to learn a difficult but otherwise rewarding game check it out.

It's still in its alpha stages, so I hope, by the time it reaches its final release, it will be a user-friendly experience. I may be revising my top 10 list at that time.

Ultima 7

I have fond memories of this game. Yes, Richard Garriot is a complete loony, but he knows how to make good games. Knew, anyways. The world was absolutely huge, and it had so much character, so much flavor, that it was hard not to feel drawn in. It was like a Bioware RP before Bioware even existed. Your party felt so alive, a living, breathing thing. Your choices had actual weight, and...well, it was just one of the best western RPGs of its time. Really, the only thing keeping this from the top 10 is likely time. I haven't played it in so long. I wish someone would do a remake/port of this game, because I have a feeling it would stand the test of time...

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 2

Day 2 - A song you hate

Ok, so I'm sure this is not what you were expecting. "Did Reid forget how to count?!" you may be asking yourself. Well, yes. But that's not why I'm back to day 2. Those of you who have been keeping up with this blog (and if you're reading this, there's a good chance you have) may remember that my entries for day 2 were a bit weak. I didn't hate the winner of that day (Follow Me by Uncle Kracker) so much as I disliked its message. The song is catchy and if, as I'm told, it's actually not about adultery (I'm not convinced it isn't...and even if it really isn't supposed to be, the message is muddied to the point that a listener could still easily say the song is glorifying adultery), then I suppose it's kind of a weak winner for the day. I really don't feel myself filled with rage when I hear this song, in any case...

...not like I am when I hear this song...

Winner: Baby You're a Firework (Katy Perry)

I really don't know what it is about this song. Maybe it's the fact that it's so repetitive. Maybe it's because it's so...bubble gum cheery without any real substance ("baby, you're a firework!"...what's that even mean?). I pride myself on basing my musical taste (and any taste, really) not on what others think but what I think, so I try to enjoy things even if the mainstream thinks they're good or bad (and sometimes I'm supposed to hate things the mainstream hates...like this song), but I may just hate it because I'm "supposed to". Because it's Katy Perry. I don't know. But whatever it is, ever since I first heard this vapid, insipid song, it has filled me with a bubbling, broiling rage that I can't even describe. It might just be indigestion.

But in any case, this is definitely meant to be my winner for day 2. Hence the revisiting of it today. I even went out of my way to find a video with the most wretchedly appalling lyrics font.

But wait! There's more!

Thanks to Wal*Mart (yes the blahblahblah), I have not only one, but two winners for today. Not one winner and one runner up, but two songs that I genuinely and utterly despise.

Winner again: In the Summertime (Mungo Jerry) or, as I like to call it, The Derp Song.

What. The Hell. What the hell is up with this song? What is that sound he makes? Why does he sound so goddamned derpy? How can anyone be so blithely and ridiculously happy? How can one man sound so utterly idiotic while singing? What's so great about the summer? And what the HELL is a Mungo Jerry?

I despise this song. I did not make this the runner up for today because my rage for this song burns as brightly and as hotly (one might say...it burns like a firework) as it does for the Katy Perry song above. I call it the Derp Song because it sounds so goddamned derpy (derp herein being a sort of onomatopoeia for the sound someone makes when they're being completely and brainlessly idiotic...it's an internet meme and it's become one of my favorite words). Everything about this song just makes me cringe...it's so idiotically and vapidly optimistic, like the Firework song above, but with even less musicality and a much more...derpy feel. Man, I can't even describe it except to just say that it is derpy and leave it at that (this is why I love the word "derp". I think it actually fills a linguistic purpose that can't be filled by any other word).

So there you have it. Two songs I genuinely despise. I could put in a runnerup here...so I will.

Runner Up: Black Horse and a Cherry Tree (KT Tunstall)

This one doesn't fill me with an irrational homicidal rage like the winners of today, but I dislike it fairly strongly nonetheless. Not quite sure why on this one. Maybe it's simply the beat or the melody. Maybe it's the repetition (a woo hoo...a woo hoo...a woo hoo...a woo hoo), but repetition isn't usually enough to make me hate a song. So it's hard to say why I strongly dislike this one, but I do. It could just be because I never cared for it and the radio stations (including Wal*Mart) overplayed it. Who knows?

Deictic-Poker Face, the Avant-Poker

I know my multitudes of devoted fans (hi, Jake!) have been waiting for the next day of the 30 Day Song Challenge...but you know what? I hate my multitudes of devoted fans (hi, Jake!), so screw you guys. I want to do something different.

So it all started one night (tonight. As I'm writing this. Funny how that works) when I started using my speech recognition software on my computer. Now, it started out dutifully enough. I started "playing" with it to have a convenient way to dictate my notes as I read my research materials for my thesis (see, I am actually working on it!), but between having to wait for the words to show up so I could make sure they were correct, and the occasional problems with the program absolutely refusing to acknowledge certain words (two, and, and juice of all things), it's become more of a gimmick than anything. Besides, I seem to be able to type faster than I read aloud, so it really wasn't any more convenient.

Anyways, playing with the program kind of distracted me. For awhile I was using it to send messages to Jake and Sam, which wasn't very amusing since it kept making little mistakes I didn't catch in my computer's ongoing quest to make me look like a complete idiot. I even went into the "training" mode to get it to understand me better. Now, don't get me wrong. It's an amazing program and it's usually quite accurate if I'm very careful and watching what it writes. But it's just too cumbersome to use effectively for anything other than, as I said before, a gimmick.

Well, the night proceeded and I was busy playing with the speech recognition instead of doing my work (ironic...I started to use it to make my work easier). Jake, in his usual Jake-ish ways started taunting me with lyrics to my favorite song ever and just generally kept being Jake. Well, at one point he sent me some lyrics to the song and I, for kicks, had the program dictate them in notepad.

The result was pure comic gold:

Cause Baby, your affair work,

One, shown what you're worth

Make 'Unger all, all

You shoot across the sky.

Baby, your firework the center,

Allen, let your colors burst

So I decided to try it out with something else, specifically a Lady Gaga song. The results were too glorious to not post to my adoring and adorable fans (hi, Jake!). I may even make this a regular thing...I think it would be amusing to dictate more songs like this. My computer seems to have a good grasp of comic timing...

So, without further ado:

Poker Face (yes, I did the "muh muh muh mah"s as best I could)

I wanna hold them like they do in Texas plays

Fold and let me hit me raise a baby stay with me, I love it turned

Look in intuition play the cards with speech to start

And after he's been up the play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh

All get him talk, show him what I've got

Oh, oh, oh

All get him hot, show him what I've got

Entry by, can't read my

No heat and read like poker face

(couple of nobody)

Can't Read Like, Can Read My center

Now he can read my poker face.

(she's got to love nobody)

P-P-P-poker face, P-P-poker face

(My mama mama)

Deictic-poker face, the avant-poker

(moment and then not a)

I won the role with him a hard pair we will be

A little gambling is from one you're with me, I love it

Russian roulette is not the same without a gun

And baby when it's love it if it's not worth it isn't fun, fun

Oh, oh, oh

August in hot, showing what I've got

Oh, oh, oh

All get him talk, show him what I've got

The red light, can read my

know he can read my poker face

(she's got to love nobody)

Can't Read Mind, Can Read My

No heat and read my poker face

(she's got to love nobody)

P-P-P-poker face, pee-pee-poker face

(none none none now)

He-pee-pee-poker face, P-pi-poker face

(woman by mama)

(none of my mom)

(none none none knoll)

I won't tell you that I love you

Kiser how do

Cousin bluff and with mime often

I'm not wise and I'm just a man with my love glue gun and

It's like a chicken the casino

Take your bank before I pay you out

I promise this, promise this

And design Mara lis

Can read my, read my

Now he can read my poker face

(she's got to love nobody)

Can read my, can't read my

No we can create my poker face

(she's got to love nobody)

Can read my, can't read my

No heat and read my poker face

(she's got to love nobody)

Can't read my, that read my

Now he can't read my poker face

(she's got to love nobody)

And Read By, read my

Now he can read like poker for

(she's got to love nobody)

Can't read my, and read my

No he can't read my poker for

(she's got to love nobody)

P-P-P-poker face, pee-pee-poker face

P-P-P-paca face, pee-pee-poker face

(she got to love nobody)

-P-P-poker face, pee-pee-poker face

The-P-P-poker face, P-P-poker face

(Maung Maung Maung not all)

P-pee-pee-poker face, pee-pee-poker face

(none none none got)

70-the-pocket face, pee-pee-poker face

(my mama)

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 20

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Finally, the next few days of the challenge are mildly interesting, though I've already covered at least today's in a previous day's entry, or at least touched on it. As I said on Day 14, I believe people to be somewhat hypocritical in regards to music. We're all perfectly fine listening to songs that make us laugh and cry. We're glad to hear songs that make us happy, even songs that make us sad. We watch movies that scare us and movies that we find humorous. But why do we shy away from songs that touch on the more ugly emotions? Like anger?

Now, I know today's entry isn't "a song that makes you angry." That would be a whole different kettle of fish altogether and would be more related to a song that we hate (Baby You're a Firework by Katy Perry makes me angry...but not because it is an "angry" song). I do believe there are songs that tap into our anger and, while I would certainly not advocate people listen to angry songs and then go smash a car window in rage, I don't see anything wrong with seething a little bit as long as it hurts no one. And more to the point...who the heck wants to listen to Walking on Sunshine after we lost our job or rolled our car (yes, that is my car. No I did not feel like listening to Walking on Sunshine after it happened). Indulging in a little seething is healthy, I believe. I don't think it's healthy (or possible) to get past our anger without working through it. It's just as plausible that telling someone to cheer up will cure their clinical depression. It's just something that passes.

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that I don't listen to music when I'm angry very often. I'll usually turn off the radio. But there are a few songs I could probably stomach listening to if I was angry, particularly the winner of Day 14:

Winner: Indestructible (Disturbed)

Hey look, an actual winner for once. I suppose I'll just stick with this one. I usually listen to this kind of music more when I'm writing a battle scene (or a particularly angry scene) in a roleplay or one of my doodles, but I think it deserves to be in this winning spot.

Runners Up:

Superbeast (Rob Zombie)

Stillborn (Black Label Society)

Man in the Box (Alice in Chains)

Stockholm Syndrome (Muse)

Ok, so at least the day was mildly interesting, even if the winners aren't really anything new. I do occasionally go to Pandora and type in "death metal" or something similar, but not with any frequency. In fact, I believe the last time I did that was when we were fighting Lord Marrowgar in Icecrown Citadel (World of Warcraft), but not because he made me angry (he was actually really easy), but just because I always felt like he looked like something from the cover of a death metal album.

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 18

Day 18 - A song from your favorite album

Once again, this day is extremely uninteresting. As I said in day 11's entry, I do not generally separate songs by album--even less than I pay attention to a song's artist. Albums in particular, however, are something I do not pay attention to since...well, this is the digital age where we can download songs for less than a dollar a pop rather than buy a CD (with perhaps two or three songs that we actually want) for $20. In recent memory I've only bought two full CDs: Rise Against's Appeal to Reason and Trinket's...well, it's probably their only album, but it's awesome. Of course there are other good albums that I have heard in my life, including Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and Enya's A Day Without Rain. Also of course, I have enjoyed quite a few movie scores, not least of which include Braveheart, Last Samurai, and the various Pirates of the Caribbean scores (I'm sick of tracking these random pages down...find them yourselves). But picking a winner? Eh. That's too much of a pain. Appeal to Reason can't win because it's a bunch of liberal posturing with a few good songs thrown in for good measure. I don't know that I'd say Trinket's album is much better, with a couple songs I genuinely love (Superhuman and Boom, the latter of which being the only reason I bought the CD--though it was only 99 cents on Amazon...apparently these songs don't exist on Youtube, so just go to Grooveshark and look them up, you will not be disappointed) and the scores I listed are really more mood music than anything.

So once again, I can't really be bothered to pick a winner for today. Let's just move on with our lives and hope tomorrow's better. If you really want something for completionism's sake:

Winner: All the albums I listed above. Get over it.

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 18

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

I am seriously beginning to wonder if I am the only person alive that doesn't listen to the radio much. I suppose this one is a bit easier than yesterday's for someone like me who doesn't, but it's still rather vague and uninteresting. So, like yesterday, I'm going to bend the rules:

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio at Wal*Mart (yes, the * is important!)

After all, I don't technically wish I would hear any song on the radio. Since I don't listen to it much. Because if I want to hear a song (on the radio or elsewhere), I look it up on Youtube or buy it on iTunes or Amazon.

Anyways, as you possibly gathered from yesterday's (wait, two days ago? ...where the hell does the time go?) blog, I am not 100% happy with the selection of music that Wal*Mart (yes, the blahblahblah) streams over their speakers. For every Boys of Summer (yes, it's not even the original Don Henley version...bummer) and Fireflies (I will give Wal*Mart credit for introducing me to this song...I love it!) I've got a dozen songs like Baby You're a Firework (RARGHBLAGHFRRRRGHBLARGH FFFFFFFFFFFFFF) that I absolutely cannot stand (ok, in all reality, it's not that bad, but I'm being hyperbolous for effect). So this probably gives me a good opportunity to pick a winner for today...except that I basically would just throw my favorite songs in as the winner since I would, of course, want to hear those songs at Wal*Mart rather than what they usually play. If you want to see that, I suggest you go read Day 1. So you know what? To hell with it.

Winner: Yackety Sax (if you need the lyrics, you have suffered a major concussion and should see a doctor immediately)

What can I say? Yackety Sax makes everything better.